Thursday, May 8, 2014

TNA Impact 5-8-14

At 9 AM, Bully traveled through Nashville with a rock station blaring. They ran an EY hype video for his reign so far - which at least makes it seem like a big deal and gives him some credibility. EY said that MVP debuted in TNA as an extra, and EY took time out for him when no one else one...well that sure would've been a nice thing to see in full instead of just in clip form. BPs are in an evening gown it's like 1999! Also, "a rematch of Sacrifice"with the Bro-Mans against the Wolves in a ladder match - so not a rematch then. EY came out in a denim shirt and jeans, looking like he just got done with a thrift store haul. EY said since MVP hasn't booked him in a match, he'll make one. EY called his outfit a Canadian tuxedo. EY issued an open challenge, answered by Roode. Roode's out in his gear and a tight T-shirt. Did everyone hit up Wal-Mart before the show or something? Roode said that EY has chosen to be a fighting champion, so he should face him again.

Roode called himself Mr. Consistency. Mr. Consistency should feud with Mr. Intensity in a match reffed by Mister Mister. Face-to-Face, EY looks at least a decade older than Roode. Roode pointed out that he had to face Gunner before facing EY, so EY should give him another shot. I like that - it's logical and is a great way to get the face to agree. Roode said that 17 years ago, they started does that make them seem old. They signed with TNA on the same day and made history as tag champs. Roode says they're two of the few TNA originals left...what does that term mean anyway? With ECW, it made sense since there was an original ECW and WWE's version - maybe three counter Eastern turning to Extreme, but there's only been one TNA. Lots of words. More words. Roode's just talking for the sake of talking. Oh hey, if Roode loses tonight, he'll never ask for a shot. Well now there's a compelling reason to do the match on each side. Roode gets a shot, and EY gets a top-level challenger off his table. This would honestly be a great setup for a Roode face turn. The KOs were shown - faces in white, heels in black.

EY and MVP met backstage, with MVP saying he respects having a fighting champion - but MVP had a big announcement for him tonight and now, he can't do it. EY just can't go making his own matches. MVP basically called him a damned fool for not taking a break as champion, and that he guarantees the guy he faces at Slammiversary will be someone he's never faced before. EY takes the night off. BPs silhouette bit is so awesome. Loved Tenay and Taz talking about the elimination rule and its place in the rule book. Brittany's generic theme and more generic white tron with flowers came out. The brunette faces look really striking in white. Madison did drop toeholds and they already showed off the BPs' why keep doing the match then? Tenay speculated that maybe EY's opponent would be Taz since they never had a match. Great bit with a seated dropkick leading to Taz saying some folks like that, and then Tenay saying it's not about Taz's life. Brittany was stripped to...about as much clothing as her gear. They went to a break, and came back with Taz scolding Tenay for not explaining everything bit-by-bit for the story of the match.  These two are so great together. Velvet ate a spear and was stripped. They got zero good shots of her ass. HOW DO YOU DO A FANSERVICE MATCH AND FAIL AT FANSERVICE. Taz talked about being a gentleman and simply not looking. Taz pondered if it would be a shorter match if it was a cocktail dress match, leading to more wacky banter. I love these two! Velvet came down in a towel and "flashed" the ref, leading to Angelina blinding Madison with the spray and losing. Dixie and Spud were in Nashville. He was in among his more silly suit jackets ever - a leopard print deal with matching bowtie. EC3-Angle recap. Angle-EC3 is up next - not even the hour 1 main theory.

A Slammiversary ad aired. I'm pretty sure I've heard this epic music elsewhere, but can't place it. Magnus met with Bram again. MVP gave him a now Bram's history is of a wrestler as well. Bram booked him against Willow tonight, so he would be the old him again. So the old him was a wasp with a thing for umbrellas? EC3's out in his red, white, and blue gear. Kurt's out looking shockingly good. They recapped the injury angle from March - wow, he's really been a non-factor since then. Or really before, since he's done very little over the past year of note. After this, we get the Slammiversary main event announcement. It's only 9:45 and the shows runs through 11, so...lots more filler. "Spud's your boyfriend" chant breaks out, leading to a "break his ankle" one. I like how EC3's dropping the elbows on the knee - he's doing it more like Bret's elbow than a traditional one. It's a little thing, but reminds me of how you can make a move your own just by doing it differently - something Booker T was a master of. Angle rattled off the Germans, but fell. Ditto after the Angle slam, leading to a knee clip and a win. This was different, but not quite definitive enough for me if this was the end of the feud.

An Overstock ad on finding a pet the same way you find products on their site aired. Great cause. Shame Overstock is...just Overstock now and not Amazon. Big Rob met with Kurt as the refs walked him down. Good God is he a bad actor. MVP came out and they showed a couple of girls bouncing to it. MVP talked about taking the job as director of wrestling operations and it being really stressful - in part due to the fans. MVP made a Dude Abides reference, which I approve of completely. Roode came out before MVP could announce EY's opponent. Roode came out and was offended by...something and acted like MVP's stuff backstage never happened - which makes sense since the crowd wouldn't have seen it, but it was odd. Roode ranted about MVP getting a handout and called him a son of a bitch. MVP and Roode brawled a bit. Simon Diamond is in jeans and a shirt - so...looking a bit like the world champ. Bully came to the building, with a cute receptionist in a Bully Fears Dixie shirt - and that message written on the TV. OH MY GOD, SPUD HAS MATCHING PANTS and a blinged out belt. Bully proceeded to just carry him around like a child. Tremendous. Spud scolded him for not taking his shoes off - IT'S A HOLY PLACE! Bully buried his green socks, then realized how stupid that was to say given his suit. Bully took control of the desk and called a BIG MEETING. And ordered the receptionist to get him a sandwich. This was fantastic! Then the fine-assed fire babe was with Knux doing fire stuff and THE FREAK WAS IN A BOX. Or maybe it's Crazy Steve. HE'S CRAZY ya know.

Al Snow threw Roode out. Al is yet another road agent dressed like the world champ. Bro Mans got jobber intros. This began with a ramp brawl thanks to DJZ distracting the Wolves. The BroMans attacked them with the ladder a few times and then MARCHED TO THE RING BRAVELY with the ladder. They did a lot of wacky double team stuff, including a ladder bonk from a double dive. Tenay said that MVP will still name EY's opponent later, and THE MENAGERIE debuts later too. BroMand did a double knee lift into the ladder with Eddie's head trapped...that was really stupid-looking. Everyone did stuff on top of the ladder, leading to headbutts taking everyone out. Zima's getting a chant now. Eddie suplexed Jesse OVER THE TOP TO THE FLOOR and kept the form. Wow. This match is really quite good. Davey did the double stomp to Robbie on a ladder bridge! So far, this is coming off like the match we either should've gotten at the last PPV or the next one. DJZ comes in and gets headbutted and then DOUBLE BEALED OFF THE LADDER ONTO THE BRO MANS! Wolves get the win! THIS RULED! Knux and Rebel had a chat, and then THE FREAK AND CRAZY STEVE came out after honking a horn. They're next...this will be something. Knux is being delightfully wacky here, which is better than him being a biker. Plus, he gets to keep the shirt and jeans look, which works better for him than gear.

More with Bully - SPUD ACTUALLY BROUGHT HIM TEA! Kaz in his X-Men gear came out to face THE NEW FACTION KNOWN AS THE MENAGERIE, and Knux. They've got stilt walkers, Rebel being crazy-flexible on the ramp...then hotter and more flexible on the apron. The Freak TOSSES CRAZY STEVE INTO THE RING and...this is bizarre, but a lot of fun. I can actually see this getting over to some degree - not just with TNA, this is just a lot of fun to watch. Sky High gets the win for Knux. This is a high-energy wacky act, and Knux is working with that. Spud met with the staff and knocked Bully, and then said "he's behind me, isn't he!?". Glorious. Bully forgave him and ordered him to get them a case of beer. Spud protested since it's 11 AM, so Bully agreed - GET TWO! Then Bully led the crowd in a chant of the company's "Bully fears Dixie" chant. This was fun. I love how forgiving Bully is of Spud. He's perfectly willing to accept that he's just Dixie's goober, and won't hold it against him as long he as either gets him tea or beer.

Recap of Storm costing Anderson a match last week, leading to them having a match next week. Gunner and Anderson talked about that, and Gunner said he doesn't wanna win like that. Gunner and Anderson pondered what messed up Shaw's life. Everyone drank taped-over beer while listening to Bully's theme and looking at the TNA site and cute chicks took selfies. Bully said he'd leave if Spud had a beer, so he did...and then HE GOT POWERBOMBED THROUGH A TABLE! Bully got her address through Spud's phone. Willow cut a promo on getting screwed over in the Dixieland match. HE DOES NOT FEAR MAGNUS'S REIGN, BECAUSE HE HAS AN UMBRELLA! Willow the drug addict explaining TNA's angles seem sensical.

Magnus came out with Bram for a match I've forgotten about. Oh yeah, it's Willow. I completely forgot about Willow-Magnus despite Willow just being on the show cutting a promo on Magnus. Willow came out with the ShopTNA umbrella and struggled with it. Then he THREW AN UMBRELLA INTO THE CROWD. That seems dangerous. Bram laid Willow out quickly and caused a DQ. He got cuffs out and beat him down more with Mr. Turnbuckle. Willow screeched or something. MVP met with EY to talk to him about the announcement next. A trainer met with Kurt THEY ALREADY GOT X-RAYS BACK. He's got an ACL tear and will need MORE SURGERY. MVP came out with a really loud Tenay voiceover. They pimped a Just Crazy Enough shirt for EY being on sale...not a good shirt. MVP cut a generic promo about how great EY is and then introduced the opponent! But no theme played, so he just punched him while terrible canned booing aired. Tenay's voiceover was about as bad as the canned booing.This was not good.

Screens -

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