Tuesday, May 6, 2014

WWE Main Event 5-6-14

Dolph's starting the show off and I've already had three massive bits of rewinding just during his intro. Adam Rose recap. Zeb's on commentary and rants about THE YOUTH OF AMERICA like Adam Rose interrupting he and Swagger. I think Rose is at least a few years older than Swagger. Swagger chucked him over the top onto the post head-first, and then he hits the steps. Dolph is taking batshit crazy bumps ON THE NETWORK. Good God, he then took a crazy hiptoss over the top to the floor. STOP! VINTAGE COMMERCIAL BREAK CHINLOCK brings the match back. Rose it out.  #clappinggranny! Rose offered Dolph three women to be a rosebud...okay then! So if you're a rosebud, you get orgies! Not too bad there. Just dance around like a goober for a second. Worth it. They hyped up the refer-a-friend thing.

FOXSANA teams with Tamina against the Dactyls and Nattie. "This past Sunday" on Total Divas...nine days ago had the cat drama. Nice leapfrog from Fox - great flexibility too. Aksana's offense revolved around a lot of those rug pulling moves. Boring chant broke out. FEMALE CLUBBERING from the heels! Naomi hit a wacky sorta-piledriver thing on the ropes to Aksana. Rear View leads to the split-legged moonsault win for Naomi. Nattie and Cameron had issues for...reasons I guess due to the cat. Mr. T deal again. Oh God, a Kane-Bryan recap. Time to listen to Adam Rose's theme! Goldust is out. I guess we get Goldust-Axel tonight. Yup.That was a really fun little match. It's amazing how much better Goldust's matches are when he's in there with someone who can keep up with him. Goldust wins with the Final Cut. Cena sez wordz next!

Cena came out all happy, which sure makes no goddamned sense. Then they replayed the finish of the PPV match. Cena basically told the crowd to go follow the family if they wanted. He just kept responding to clips with wacky face stuff. John says he's not a god - HE'S A MAN. A superman...and he's got HIS SLOGAN ON HIS SHIRT. Available now on WWESHOP! YOU NEVA GIVE UP! YOU NEVA GIVE UP! I love that all he believes in can be summed up with a rally towel.

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