Thursday, May 22, 2014

TNA Impact Wrestling 5-22-14

The Cops credits vid hypes up the NEW TOP GROUP IN TNA! Thank God - we went weeks without one! This video would've looked a lot cooler without bugs on it. Kaz talked to Chris about jiggle butt nonsense! They beat him up, and came out. Tenay had the nerve to call them ONE OF THE MOST IMPRESSIVE FACTIONS IN HISTORY! MVP said he brought in his friends...okay, so Lashley makes sense, but Kenny King doesn't. Why would Lashley and King have a match if they were in on this? Lashley's jersey looks nice. MVP used Nash's old WRESTLING BUSINESS line. MVP, in 2014, continues to quote the Lox. MVP and Lashley look like stars. Kenny King looks like a high-end Wal-Mart shopper. Kenny said his match with Lashley was just to throw them off the scent - I'll accept that. WHY DID HE GIVE LASHLEY THE MIC!? He just keeps talking all marble-mouthed. MVP thankfully grabbed the mic from him and then the Wolves came down. Davey's reddish/blonde mohawk looks slightly better than the whole head of hair looking like that. Davey cut a promo on him and then MVP called him Eddie. MVP told them he could fire them so they could work for table scraps. Table scraps!? Did TNA's budget just get upped? Why even bring that issue up when your show looks so dime-store? MVP repeated it being about power and control again. Lashley speared Davey through a table on the floor and then King cackled for whatever reason. EY showed up in a $10 Wal-Mart shirt and jeans. Kenny King did at least dress better than EY.

EC3 in a swank grey suit, blue tie, and red shirt showed up with Dixie in a limo. Davey was loaded into an ambulance. We should've seen this coming - MVP tried to destroy Davey before back when he was a face by having him work hurt. EY came out to talk. Thank God more words! Nothing about EY's presentation works beyond the booking of him, which is shockingly great. MVP and the rest of his faction interrupted him within a minute. EY said he didn't know King, but what he knew of him wasn't good - HE'S FROM VEGAS, SO HE'S A SCUMBAG. Lashley PAID HIS DUES IN THE MMA! EY said that Lashley's son is going to ask him why he's a sellout. BWAHAHA. Like any of his kids will ever know about this shit. EY backed himself into a corner like a moron and got destroyed. Austin Aries came down to make a save. Loved him flipping over Lashley to attack MVP. Aries came out in nicely-pressed pants and a dress shirt - LOOKING MORE LIKE A STAR THAN ANYONE but MVP. I like him saying he saw through MVP immediately. At 9:26, a match was made for the show with Aries-Aries and EY-Someone. Bram told Magnus he made a match for him against Willow in a hardcore match tonight. Magnus said he's sick of Bram and slugged him. Bram was overjoyed since that's what he wanted. This is all stupid. Angelina cut a close-up promo looking terrifying and then Gail was a bitch and interrupted her. 30 minutes of boring suckage so far.

LASHLEY'S REIGN OF VIOLENCE was recapped. Angelina faces Gail I think, for the title. Taz rambled on for eons about THE BAG, THE BAG! ANGELINA TALKED! Nope. Angelina's challenge now excludes all former KO champs. It's Brittany. She's...a girl named Brittany and she has a bad theme. That's about the extent of her character so far. I have no problem with Angelina bending over the ropes to brag. Handspring elbow from Brittany was countered with a clothesline. Sin Cara kick from Brittany led to a slam off the top and a 2. Brittany had the win with a cradle, but Velvet's ass distracted him and Love won with the pump kick. They embarrassed Brittany, THEN Gail came down. Why did she wait? MVP apparently banned Dixie from the building for some reason.

Anderson met with Storm. This all seems to be leading to Anderson/Gunner against Storm/Shaw. Ugh. They're going to have a drinking contest. Aries came out to face MVP. OH GOD THEY RECAPPED THE EARLIER STUFF with Aries and MVP. I like MVP being in a largely black, with white trim motif. They did some stuff for a few minutes before MVP's goons came out. This group has jumped the shark. "THERE'S THE CHAMP, ERIC YOUNG!" has no ring to it. EY got his ass kicked again - twice in one hour. Tenay said in a bad VO that EVERYONE'S AFRAID FOR THEIR JOBS and that's why no one came to help. EY faces Lashley later and then Dixie came out. Thank God - what I really wanted was more Dixie-MVP!

Dixie's theme keeps playing while she rattles off how MVP doesn't return her calls or texts. Dixie says she has the right to be here as the President of TNA. MVP's group terrified her. Why is Dixie teasing a face turn before going through the table? MVP looks to be the same height as Dixie. Bully came out with a pipe. God this sucks. MVP said he banned Bully too. When? Why is that a thing just right now? Bully cut a promo on MVP. Oh yeah, he gave MVP control of the company. I honestly forgot about that. Bully said EY has been here since day one. Year two, maybe. MVP cut a promo on Bully being an asshole and a hypocrite, so the gang jumped him. Dixie and EC3 came down since Bully was down and out. Kenny King has gotten more airtime tonight than during the rest of his TNA run combined. EC3 and Dixie did the get the tables bit, which ruled due to EC3. EC3 attacked the knee. EC3 looks like Disco with this getup and no suit jacket on. He put Bully through the table. Magnus-Willow is next. I can't wait for Willow-Magnus-Bram in a Be Triangular match.

Dixie and EC3 ran like cowards. Magnus and Bram came out. Willow's act sucks. Theme's shockingly good on its own though. The guys had a "they did stuff" spectacular. Willow missed a swanton. Thank God they're making use of this falls count anywhere stip so they can brawl in the ring a ton. Willow got 2 with a sliding splash to the floor. Bram gave Magnus the pry bar and Magnus hit him in the gut, but not the head, so he ate a Twist and lost. The booking of Magnus over the past six months has killed this guy's career. Guarantee he jobs to Bram at some point soon. Gunner met with Shaw again and implied that he's been committed before, probably due to PTSD. So the Obsever bit about that presumption was right, which is good since I didn't get that impression at all last week. Eddie walked backstage angrily.

More with Gunner and Shaw. He talked about trauma, his buddy had it. His friend got better. "Let's get this jacket off of you..."(cue the porno music) Eddie Edwards cut a promo. Can we go back to the Gunner/Shaw slash fanfiction? Eddie brawled with Kenny. The Wolves' shirt rules. I think this brawl has gone on longer than every other match on the show combined. Kenny hit a cradle suplex on the ramp. Why didn't Kenny do the move on the steps that he set up? Eddie's arm is hurt. Anderson and Storm did another skit. Ken's been paying off the girl to not give him beer. "This is gonna be a long, long night!" - THANK YOU STORM!

MVP met with Brian Hebner, who looks 50, and apologized for Kenny King hurting him. He wanted a Hebner to screw the world champion IN 2014. Anderson revealed the near-beer plan and said REVENGE, BITCH! Music played over EY's promo with JB. EY looks orange. EY's comic book tron sucks. I do love Tenay constantly bringing up that MVP is having the champ enter first to disrespect him - it's the one part of this angle that actually works and makes sense. Tenay saying Lashley's a former world champ is a bit of a stretch - although not much of one given his mega-push and the ECW Title kind of being a world title then. Him saying that he's a former MULTIPLE-TIME WORLD CHAMP is a blatant lie though. I like Lashley's neck crank the ropes - like Shemus's spot, but with a choke. Lashley killed him for eons and did a palm strike before a break. I like them bringing up how smart it is to do that to avoid an injury.

A tractor ad aired. A TOP SPEED OF 7.5 MILES PER HOUR. FUCK YOU, JOHN DEERE! Lashley did Taz-esque crossfaces against the ropes. The peak of Lashley's charisma here was him saying LET'S GO EY! Bobby Lashley, MMA star doing a bearhug is a fail. EY hits a flying forearm and hits a really bad flying dropkick with the back bump landing for 2. EY avoided the powerslam, hit a piledriver, but King and MVP prevented the win with the elbow. EY takes a great bump for the spear and loses after the powerslam. Why did it take three guys to win that match when Lashley dominated 99.9% of it? Kenny ripped some of the beard off. Aries tried to save with a cane, but got destroyed. This is like July-September of the NWO beatdowns in one night.

Screens -

No comments:

Post a Comment