Thursday, May 15, 2014

TNA Impact Wrestling 5-15-14

EY and his five head and homeless look were were backstage talking to some dude. EY threatened vengeance on MVP, who had security protect him. MVP came out looking like a star. They recapped last week's angle with an excellent video package - it actually made the attack seem important! It also showed EY beating dudes and surviving. This was far better than watching it unfold "live" last week. EY in his jeans and $10 Wal-Mart shirt, goofy music, and comic book tron hit the ring. EY said he promised to be a fighting champion and he was, and that this kinda stuff wouldn't happen on his watch. If MVP wanted his title, he'd have to take it! MVP said that EY's the patsy - and that DEFINITIVE POWER lied with the TNA WORLD TITLE! "Money, power, respect is the key to life!" viva 1997! MVP said he respected EY and would allow him to keep the title for a few more weeks. The crowd clapped, with ADR boos added in. EY challenged MVP tonight, and MVP said no way - he'd have to get through his security first. Dixie and Spud, driving with a soft collar and his bowtie ala Gertner. A DIXIE FEARS BULLY table was on her lawn. At least it wasn't in the form of a cross, or on fire. WILLOW FACES MAGNUS AND BRAM NEXT! But first, THE HISTORY OF BRAM! Honestly, he carries himself like more of a menacing act than Magnus does. Willow cut an annoying promo with a cockney accent.

Willow and Magnus brawled backstage. Willow slid off the railing steps into a double sledge to Magnus. Bram's gear looks a bit cheap, but he's got a good overall look. Heels are being nice and tagging in and out of this. Actually, it does make sense for each guy to want to rest up a bit before kicking ass. Whisper in the Wind from Willow. Tenay hyped up the Bellator PPV by saying the interim title match is Chandler against the season nine winner. Hardy's cartwheel...punch looks worse than Kelly Kelly's handspring elbow. Crotch-lifting brainbuster from Bram. Bram rolled in a pry bar, while Magnus said HE DIDN'T WANT TO BE DQed. Willow won with a flash cradle, so..yeah, he should've just knocked him the fuck out then. So they debut as a team and are already at odds. FIRE RUSSO! Odd to lead to a Magnus face turn, but not surprising. EY met with security in front of MVP's office. MVP wasn't there, so IT WAS A SWERVE THEN! EY destroyed MVP's thrift store furniture. Fire Russo.

Spud's in a red, white, and blue lightning bolt suit. Dixie got a call with PERFECT AUDIO QUALITY in speaker mode. Gail cut a promo on the BPs, and Angelina praised for being a "WRESTLER - A DARN GOOD ONE AT THAT!" Velvet attacked from behind to set up Velvet-Gail. KAZARIAN FACES CRAZY STEVE next! Gail's bodypress took out the camera guy. Angelina attacked on the floor while Velvet distracted the ref with her tits. Velvet hit the Tiger Mask DDT for 2. That should be her finish - looks better than the In Yo Face. Velvet got a mirror because as Taz says "she gives good face". The Menagerie walked backstage - Knux now has slacks and a wacky barkers outfit.

They recapped EC3-Angle. They showed EC3 bragging about the win and beating Angle in his last match. HE HAS SACRIFICED ALL OF TNA'S LEGENDS AT HIS ALTER! Good promo. Love Kaz doing the handshake bit, then realizing there's no Daniels. This Menagerie act is a blast. Taz and Tenay pondered Crazy Steve's communication being limited to yes or no questions due to the horn. Kaz and Steve had a tremendous comedy match that involved CRAZY STEVE SPLASHING BALLOONS! Steve pantsed the ref while Rebel did stuff in the ropes and got DQed. Aries stood outside the men's room and insulted the security guys. MVP came out and had him thrown out. So Aries is a face now. Again - FIRE RUSSO!

Oh, and EY and MVP and brawling backstage before and after the break too. EY's arm got Pillmanized.  TIE CHOKING! There's a compelling story with EY's throat being attacked, as he talked about on the WOL where the Impact Zone caught fire - thank God they're not telling it here in this WORLD TITLE PROGRAM. They brawled. And brawled and brawled and brawled and brawled and brawled and brawled and brawled. Security broke it up and the crowd FINALLY reacted by wanting them to fight. They kept brawling and MVP had them hold the champ so he could kick him in the balls. Single arm DDT. MVP made the title match tonight, but not right now...for some reason. Spud and Bully had a terrible skit in the house. Last week's skits were so much more fun. Bully's just being mean here. Anderson came down and bonked his lip with the mic "meant to do that" seems like a new running gag. Storm's got a new more artsy intro with nice lighting. He at least comes off like a star with this intro. Booking...not so much.

Bellator PPV ad aired. Nothing about this card works for me. WATCH DOGS AD! Basic stuff to start the match, which had a terrible plug for the next ONS PPV. It was so badly-ADRed that Taz talked about a hold mid-sentence. Storm did a low blow and a shitty cradle with the ropes for 2 spot. God, this is like a random Coliseum Video Exclusive match. There's just nothing exciting here at all. Random fans are yelling "SORRY" throughout. Storm teased a bottle shot, but spit beer in Ken's face, kicked him and won. After Anderson's loss, they recapped Anderson-Shaw from Sacrifice. This led to a wacky skit with him in a "padded room" asking for Christy.

Three-way X Title match is up. Oh yeah, this is a thing. More training with Sanada! They showed him watching blurred Muta matches on a blurred Apple laptop. DJZ came out looking like a glorious douchebag. Uno, not the champion, got streamers and confetti. It's amazing that after Okada and Tanahashi, Seiya Sanada has been booked better than any Japanese wrestler in TNA history. They said that being the X Champion was very important - you can cash in the title for a World Title shot if you don't mind slumming it until the summer. I like the visual of this match going on with confetti all over it. During this nice little match, they kept annoyingly talked about Bully-Dixie. Z screamed during the rolling cradle! These guys are having quite the fun little match here. Taz praised Sanada for having giant hands, while Tenay hyped up him being a baseball player before getting into the New Japan dojo. Spinning clusterfuck off the ropes to the floor from Uno kinda-sorta hit DJ Z. Big Steamboat flying chop hit DJZ and Sanada won with the Tiger suplex. Sanada is being booked so well, it's amazing. OH GOD MORE STUFF WITH BULLY AND DIXIE! Bully said it's a shame Dixie's now all alone...well that was dark, and man does Dixie look old in these outdoor skits.

The Shaw skits resumed with Gunner there because "you just need someone to talk to.". Poor Gunner. Now he's saddled with this dude. Recap of Angle-EC3 again. Dixie entered her home with a poker. Spud was tied up and then Bully revealed himself behind a door. Bully Rapey - no buys. Bully said all he wanted to hear was that she feared him, so she started to say it and then EC3 attacked and she said SHE FEARS NO ONE. They said she HAD A PLAN THE WHOLE TIME! And...yeah that was goofy. Less goofy than Kane-Bryan, but still goofy. MVP-EY is up next. EY-Roode recap aired showing the Roode-MVP issues. He was suspended indefinitely on Twitter, which was brought up here. EY came out first, which led to Tenay saying it was just MVP being disrespectful. EY attacked MVP when he was being cocky and choked him with the shirt - nice callback to before. MVP attacked the arm. "He's like a shark who smells blood." Don't they usually go for their prey immediately? Not an hour later? At 10:50 they went to a slow-paced break. Yarg. A James Hetfield ad for Guitar Center aired. Amazingly, there have been zero sex toy ads on this show! MVP's classing up the joint! "During the commercial break, MORE OF THE SAME!" The match actually began at 9:55 - oh God why? I already don't want to see it continue. MVP locked on an armbar neck crank. This is so boring. EY's doing a great job fighting back with one arm in a somewhat realistic manner - never using the bad arm for anything. Kenny King attacked EY in jeans and a shirt. King laid EY out with whatever his F5>Rock Bottom is called. MVP demanded a restart after this led to a DQ. Ref said no. This just refuses to end. They just keep doing stuff. Tenay's "it just doesn't make sense, BUT WHAT HAS MADE SENSE THE LAST FEW WEEKS!?" sums things up nicely. Lashley attacked EY too. This was the most boring, nothing debut of a lead heel faction ever. Lashley hit a powerslam through two chairs and MVP held the title up - so EY's retaining at the PPV. Taz's "This is bad, THIS IS BAD!" ruled. They oddly showed clips of next week's show after this one, really stupid if you're going to pretend it's live.

Screens -

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