Monday, March 24, 2014

Raw 2-24-14

Taker-Warrior got a recap of wackiness. Riley's promo is...something. Foley's beard is a different kind of something. THEY'LL BE IN ACTION! NOT IN ACTION! BUT IN ACTION! VINTAGE BOOKER. Yay, Cena-Harper rematch! Foley and Riley are talking about Johnny Fabulous. Love Summer's theme. Crickets chirping for Emma. Booker equates the HHH-Bryan attack to HHH RUNNING DOWN STEVE AUSTIN. Then Josh brings up Bryan wrestling on house shows this week...despite Bryan saying he hasn't been medically cleared. Orton as a 12-time world champ is just mind-boggling. I remember this one, the Age of Orton, and the '04 World title win. Renee and Heyman had a glorious exchange -
Renee - Sorry...
Heyman - Heyman – Why say you're sorry? Why interrupt and then say you're sorry!? WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME!? Is this your excuse to just get close to me? GO ON THE VIEW AND BE WITH BARBRA WALTERS, BUT LEAVE PAUL HEYMAN AND BROCK LESNAR ALONE. BROCK LESNAR APPRECIATES ALL OF YOUR HARD WORK!

 Raw might've peaked as a whole with that. Riley bringing up that Taker is winding his career down is a bit odd. THE UNIVERSE IS GETTING WITH THE SHIELD! Riley's doing a bad Ahnold impression. Now Foley's doing an ALL HAIL KING BOOKAH deal. Riley busts Booker for wearing a scar indoors, so Booker has some fun with it. Bryan-HHH video starts off Raw. Steph is out in a nice outfit. She walked about the Yes movement leading PEOPLE DOWN A ROAD OF SELF-DESTRUCTION. This led to a giant CM Punk chant. YAY MORE REMINDERS OF HOW GREAT HHH IS! Steph saying HHH is the most powerful man in WWE is a clear indicator that Vince is coming back. Cole said that Orton has no champion's advantage, and then said something possibly hinting at a fatal 4-way. Big Bryan chant, leading to Steph taking over. Orton said a bunch of words and got a boring chant. Batista came out and got booed! BOO! Batista's not dressed like a middle-aged hipster! He's just in jeans and his green shirt. Love the Batista=overrated sign being on-screen with him. Also love his mic cutting out. "I hate to break your heart, I'm sure Steph's been drooled on before. Actually, I think she's been drooled on A LOT!" AWWW SNAPP! Spear by Big Dave. This was an amusing disaster, there's no better term for it.

A graphic aired hyping up Raw for being the top show on cable, leading to BIG THUMBS UP from the announcers. Then it was time for a 4-way with Sheamus, Dolph, Alberto, and Christian to get an IC Title match against on Main Event. Why wouldn't Alberto get the shot? He demolished him on SD. Dolph looks like a mini in there with Sheamus. So instead of breaking up a pin, Alberto just decides to hit Dolph. JBL buried Big E for being better on commentary when he's not on it. Ugh. Nice fallaway slam into the barricade by Sheamus to Christian. Love Cole finally calling JBL on the Mexico's greatest export deal. Super X Factor to Sheamus gets 2 for Dolph. Sitout powerbomb got 2 for Christian, which was broken up by the superkick to the back of the head by ADR. Sheamus struggled to get the cloverlead on ADR, but locked in on before Christian broke it up. This has turned into quite a good little match. Rampage powerbomb from Sheamus led to a Zig Zag, then Christian hit the Killswitch to Dolph to win. FANTASTIC finish. Bray sang about having the whole world in his hands...and how ya can't miss John Cena - we see you, your billboards, but have ya ever seen Bray for what he really is? HE IS THE WAY TO GO AMONG THE LOST BEYOND TIME! Bray said you can't hurt what cannot feel...oh he rules.

GHOST BEAR and the Scooby trailer were shown again. SIN CARA JUST CAME OUT OF THE MYSTERY MACHINE! JBL asked if he stole it, and then referenced WHO LET THE DOGS OUT in 2014. They brought back the trampoline gimmick here. Cara faces Sandow, and Sandow apparently buried the movie. A Scooby chant broke out. Then a CM Punk chant broke out. Sin Cara did Hakushi's prayer before winning with the swanton. The Shield attack from SD got a recap vid. They hyped up Hogan, Taker, and Brock being in DC for Raw...I really wish I was going to that. Kane will be on SD to talk about the Shield deal. Los Matadores are in a tag match against Rybaxel. The Matadores theme is so awesome. Rybaxel is now out of the battle royal due to the tag title match. SHIELD CAME DOWN TO RINGSIDE! and the Matadores won with a distraction schoolboy. Axel took an awesome bump on the floor for Reigns, and then they just demolished Ryback. This was great - The Shield as a face act is working just fine.

HHH came down for the interview, in a basic set. HHH and Cole talked. HHH brought up the interview not making sense for the COO, but working for the WM competitor. HHH looks so old with this hairstyle. It brings out every flaw in his face. HHH cut a promo basically saying that everyone in the crowd's a pussy now that he isn't full-time in the ring. HHH needs to watch the Nash and Shelley skits to really nail this whole schtick. HHH said it's the beginning of the REALITY ERA. Didn't Miz already talk about that? HHH burying Big Dave for being a nostalgia act is something else. Again, why not just send the guy a check and be done with it? You're not going to draw a dime with him now, so save him some wear and tear. This ended after what seemed like many minutes. The awesome "Legacy" video aired.

Goldust-Fandango recap vid. Cody and Fandango had a basic match while JBL talked about Fandango playing heel...okay then. Cody won and the brothers danced. Hogan came down and talked about Mr. T. Sabotage stars came down. Arnold talked about inducting Bruno in the HOF and Hogan's physique. Miz came down and got punched by the young dude, bitchslapped by Arnold, and tossed out of the ring by Hogan. Titus is in the job to Show. BOY WAS BREAKING UP THE PTPS A GOOD MOVE. Rey and Ryder are in the Andre battle royal. A CM Punk chant broke out, then it got louder. CM Punk is so much of a bigger star just being gone for two months. KO punch took TON out. Shield met with HHH and Steph. I'm sad Roman didn't call her babygirl. Cena washed his hands in the bathroom, then saw Rowan's mask in the mirror...VINTAGE HOGAN-WARRIOR II!

They recapped Harper-Cena in no time flat. Cena's new neon shirt looks terrible - like something they had an intern make in ten minutes. Harper came down with the crowd doing an phone light gimmick to imitate a concert with lighters - that would look amazing at WM. Cole said Cena RESPECTS FRIENDS AND ENEMIES! Good God, just have Cena come out to Steamboat's "Family Man" theme to make him seem like a bigger pussy. A big LET'S GO HARPER chant broke out. Pumphandle fallaway slam from Harper got 2 - haven't seen that move since WWF Attitude. They came back with a VINTAGE POST-BREAK...headlock, not a chinlock! Big boot hits. Harper is ruling this match - it feels like a star-maker for him. Yet another LET'S GO HARPER chant. SUPERKICK FROM HARPER GOT 2! Discus lariat is avoided and leads to the Protobomb. MICHINOKU DRIVER GETS 2! Powerbomb led to the Cena rana, but Harper avoided the STF. SUICIDE DIVE FROM HARPER! Harper's amazing in both real life and in games because of his crazy moveset. You'd expect it to be super-basic, but nope - he's like a crazy woodsman with a broad wrestling playlist on Youtube. Yet another Harper chant. Cena powers out of a double underhook superplex. Cena got the slice for 2. Atomic whip facebuster got 2 for Harper. Big lariat from Cena! AA setup led to the Wyatts' wackiness and then Cena was tied to the ropes with a sheep mask on his head. Well, I didn't see this coming. It got a this is awesome chant.

They came back and hyped up E-Christian, and the Cena-Wyatts deal. Naomi's eye patch gimmick works better than Mariah Carey's blinged-out sling. It's Naomi-AJ. AJ tried to leave. Maybe she's going to go find her missing ass. Countout finish for Naomi. Vickie came down, which makes sense with them bringing up AJ insulting her on SD. Vickie called her a real Vickie made the Vickie invitational with AJ against the Bellas, the Dactyls, Nattie, Eva, Emma, Summer Rae, Foxsana, Rosa, Layla, AND TAMINA! Well, this is a bit silly, but at least they're hyping up the end of AJ's title reign somewhat well. This really would've made more sense if the Vickie-AJ deal was regularly played up, but whatever, everyone gets a paycheck, and it's not like a divas singles match would be given any time to begin with - not like we're missing out on AJ-Nattie II. They recapped the Taker-Heyman bit from ME. New HOFer gets announced next - should be a great video for Hall.

THE WWE NETWORK HAS ELEVENTY BILLION DOWNLOADS. BEFORE THE ROCK, BEFORE DX, BEFORE STONE COLD!  Razor was hyped as the original bad guy who was beloved. They hyped him up as the first 4-time IC Champ, and the IC Title won at WM X. Hard to believe that was 20 years ago. Waltman got a new clip here, and Hogan putting him over was fun. This HOF Class graphic is like an indy show poster with how outdated the photos are. They recapped the Steph-Batista-Orton bit. Batista-Orton, the original WM main event, will be given away on Raw next week. They brought up Bryan not wrestling tonight, but wrestling at house shows and hurting himself further. Shield-Real Americans is next. Wyatt-Show happening...for some reason on SD. Big brawl before the match. Great corner blow exchange by Cesaro and Ambrose. VINTAGE heel eye rake on the ropes from Ambrose. YET ANOTHER WHO LET THE DOGS OUT reference from JBL. Can't wait for WM 40 for JBL to reference Lady Gaga. Seth went for Three Amigos, which were finished by Ambrose and Seth doing a double suplex to Swagger. AND ON HIS BIRTHDAY, which greatly offended JBL. He's one of FOUR LEGENDS born today - GORGEOUS GEORGE! BARRY HORROWITZ, FERNANDO, AND HARRY HOUDINI! Eye rake-ish Regal Stretch from Ambrose. Another fantastic Cesaro-Ambrose exchange - I wouldn't mind a feud between them for the U.S. Title. Cole put over the long reign, while JBL buried him for not defending it. Cole said it was up to GMs to make matches for it. Seth took an amazing bump for a Cesaro big boot on the apron. YAY THE SWING TO AMBROSE! Nice stuff here. Front facelock from Cesaro brought the match back from the break. Big LET'S GO SHIELD chant. "LET'S GO SHIELD, HUH!?" SMACK! Awesome. Cesaro is great. Big clothesline from Ambrose led to a hot tag setup. Great stuff from Seth, just kicking and chopping the hell out of Swagger. Seth getting such a huge push on WWE TV is still amazing to me. I went from seeing him in a giant tin tool shed, just like Claudio, and he's a major part of WWE TV now and has been for nearly a year and a half. Flying knee got 2. OVER THE TOP EXPLODER FROM CESARO TO AMBROSE had a nasty landing. Patriot lock to Seth. Pop-up kick set up the Peace of Mind curb stomp. That name sucks compared to Blackout. SUPERMAN PUNCH with a rev from Roman to Cesaro. AND THEN THE SPEAR ON THE FLOOR! They got a huge pop for taking the top off the announce table. Triple powerbomb to Cesaro through the table. This was just about the perfect first match for the Shield to have as faces. Kane made the Outlaws and himself against the Shield for WM. The Outlaws in suits works.

Oh yeah, it's Brock-Taker build next. Kinda forgot about that.Brock's new Eat Sleep Break the Streak shirt is great. Heyman said words while Brock was a bit too..excited by things. Paul says that Brock winning will take nothing away from the streak as a whole since Cena couldn't even get 21-0. THEY NAMED A BATTLE ROYAL AFTER ANDRE, who couldn't even got 21-0. THE CONQUERER HIMSELF WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO CLAIM 21-0. Heyman talked until Brock grabbed the mic. HE'S NOT HERE TO PROMOTE. HE'S HERE TO FIGHT! LET'S DOO THIIISSSS! Taker got the big chanting intro. YAY DRUIDS! Brock kicked the casket, which looked barely bigger than Bully's. Brock opened it to reveal no one. Brock scared the druids. Brock shut the lid. I AIN'T HERE TO PLAY GAMES! Paul buries Taker for not showing up in a slum like Brooklyn. Taker showed up barely being able to fit in the casket. Taker of course outpunched the UFC World Champion like it was nothing, then Brock took an amazing over-the-top bump over the casket. This was...stuff that will make a good video package, but man are they not making Brock look good here.

Screens -

No comments:

Post a Comment