Monday, March 10, 2014

Raw 3-10-14

The pre-show panel has Booker, JIMMY HART, and Riley. Well, they're in Memphis - good for Jimmy! Bryan teams with Show to face Batista and Orton. WM OPPONENTS, WHAT AN INTRIGUING TEAM. Sure would be Josh, if anyone wanted to see Orton-Batista. Renee is WAITING FOR HOGAN TO ARRIVE here at 7:33. The giant LED desk is pretty awesome. This Heyman video from SD seems almost muted. Sin Cara faces Alberto on Superstars. Alberto, the former WWE AND WORLD CHAMPION is in "preliminary action" according to Josh. What's up with Riley's Michael Scott hair? Sheamus showed off a busted up arm, and they made Christian-Sheamus a stip match here on Raw. No way this feud makes it through Mania. The crucific-heavy gear on Hunicara is a great way to signal a different era for the character and make it more personal for Hunico. Alberto won with something and they had a video package for Cena-Wyatt and broke into it for a second with a weird audio cue. Yet another weird little hiccup with the Network having a repeat soundbyte. Riley talked about Bryan possibly being able to slip on a banana peel and beat HHH, who would then have to explain to shareholders why he isn't giving Bryan a shot...wouldn't he have to answer for that now? Dolph's on Superstars. Shield issue recap. Jimmy said that Seth had no hope. Sheamus is delighted that the WWE Universe can vote on the app. Captain Weasel isn't going to get over for Christian. Dolph won on Superstars. Cole's tron shows him dancing and being a heel. JBL's out. YAY KING GETS HIS INTRO! He's got a big tan suit jacket shirt on.

Raw's up. HOGAN STARTS THE SHOW. I love the Hulkamania Hot Wheels-style sign. Hogan puts over the Network so you can watch him face Savage and Andre. This feels like they just grabbed some random Hogan catchphrases and threw them in random places in the script. ANDRE MEMORIAL BATTLE ROYAL! Awesome. Everyone gets a payday....and there will be 3 superstars, not 30! The winner gets a trophy. Hogan should win this, or Khali. EAT SLEEP RUN WILD REPEAT Greatness. It's cool to see Cena and Hogan mid-ring together. Cena entered to win the battle royal. Wyatt's on the tron. Brodie Lee is about to get in the ring with Hulk a sentence that seemed impossible to fathom a few years ago. Bray called himself a God, and Cena says he's not a God - just a homeless dude who spent too many years wasted away, and grabbed a couple of goons, a shirt, a torch, and a rocking chair from Cracker Barrel. I demand they kill Silly Cena right now. Cena apologized to "MR. HULKSTER!" The Family got near the ring with Hogan and Cena standing tall. Beastiality porn jokes in a promo on a PG show. Hogan's at ringside as Rowan-Cena begins after the break. Rowan's attacking with punches and noogies. Nice ragdoll bearhug from Rowan. Rowan dominates and Cena wins with a flash schoolboy. They came in and teased Hogan getting physical before leaving. Cena and Hogan did the posing off-sync. King begged for a Memphis street fight. Iffy first half hour.

Recap of the Bryan-Orton-Batista stuff from Raw. This video really sets up Bryan being added to the title match if he beats Bryan, which I thought would be Hogan's announcement. Stephanie talked about Bryan's actions being grounds for immediate termination, but they'll lead by example and offer up an apology to Bryan because it's best for business. The Daniel Bryan brand is only B+, and not an A+ like Batista, HHH, and Orton... Steph talked about Bryan being short. Outlaws are out to do commentary for an Usos match. A Juicy Drop Taffy ad with a lucha theme aired...Rybaxel's out to job, and they're in the WM battle royal. The Outlaws and JBL buried Jerry's shirt. Road Dogg flubbed some stuff. They hyped up Wal-Mart having exclusive DVD 2-packs. An Uso ducked the Meathook to assalanche Axel. Blind tag dive led to the splash finish. Usos gear matches the NAO shirt. Mr. Kane talked to the Shield, and Dogg was heard on commentary for a second. Kane made Reigns and Rollins against the Rhodes Bros. since that seems like when the cracks appeared, which led to Seth saying he's just deflecting since he lost to Bryan twice last week. Reigns set up destroying Kane because he's a demon. Very...not great show so far.

OH THANK THE LORD, ANOTHER BIG E-SWAGGER MATCH! A giant Dutch Mantel chant broke out. Big E will be in the Andre battle royal. Second schoolboy finish of the show so far. Cesaro's WM XXX track jacket rules. Zeb took the vest off and demanded a handshake. Cesaro squeezed his hand, then blew on it and holstered it like a gun - awesome. Taker returns next. More street fight begging. YAY TAKER INTRO! JBL put over that people think Brock has no chance, but they thought he had no chance to become the youngest WWE Champion, or would win the UFC World title in his third fight...valid points. Heyman came out before Taker could talk. Taker looks so much more terrifying as he ages in the HD era. Heyman gave Taker an option - please preserve the streak, the greatest streak in sports and entertainment, and retire. Heyman made an amazing point about WM streaks - Austin and Cena got to 4, but not even Hogan, HBK, or HHH could make it past three, while Taker has had 21 wins in a row. Heyman says he worships the streak, and Brock is the reality that will crash the fantasy of the streak. SIR, IF YOU STEP INTO THE RING, YOUR STREAK WILL BE CONQUERED BY BROCK LESNAR! Rhodes Bros. tag match is next.

Main Event gets 2 title matches - Ambrose-Henry and AJ-Nattie. Turnbuckle flatliner seemed to hurt Cody's eye as he immediately talked about it. Flip drive from Goldust and the crossbody to the floor from Cody leads to an ad break, after Ambrose chucks the belt at the steps. Roman's gear is covered in gold paint. A CM Punk chant broke out during a chinlock. CM Punk is a much bigger star off the show than he was on it. Roman hit the amazing sliding dropkick, which they had a nice slow-mo replay of. Moonsault off the top from Cody to Seth got 2. MUSCLE BUSTER FROM CODY got 2. Running buckle bomb and the Blackout take out Cody.

AJ losing to Nattie on SD was shown. AJ and Tamina faces the Bellas. #nikkisrackattack has already run wild without the match starting. AJ MAY be one of the greatest divas champs ever. Wow. Best for a title that's five years old. Nice superkick to Brie from Tamina. Nattie did the "enough is enough and it's time for a change" bit, and then said "she's gonna get hungry and forget her manners" on  Main Event...okay then. AJ goes for the Black Widow, but eats the Rack Attack for the loss. AJ's selling in that was perfect. Nikki held the belt and Nattie looked at her angrily, then they showed clips of NCIS LA. LL and Chris O Donnell were in the build. LL got old. UNDERTAKA DROPPING THUNDA ON FAKAS!

Bray-Cena-Hogan recap. Bryan said HHH can't have it both ways and be a wrestler and COO. Of course Hunter can have it both ways, as he's said before, he's more bi than lingual. Bryan said they were going to occupy Raw. Occupy is so 2012. HE'S GOING TO FILL THE WHOLE RING WITH A YES MOVEMENT!? That sounds disgusting. Then a bunch of people in Bryan's gear came in...this sucked. They came back and more people were around the ring. A THE GOAT VS. THE GAME sign was shown. This will work out fine for a video package, but live...yikes. HHH gave them 30 seconds to leave or else they'd call security. THIS IS UNHEARD OF. IT'S NEVER BEEN DONE BEFORE! "GIVE IT TO ME CHUBBY! Ya petered out, didn't ya!?" HHH ruled there. Two bald guys resembling the Bashams came down as security. Steph then said stuff and hurt this. This peaked with HHH burying the fat guy. Sandow came down for a match. It's Ryder's chance to win! Nope, he just left. Well, they say passion comes out when you believe what you say.  Steph buried him and said they were insulting her family. "When I was born, this place became mine! I OWN YOU!" Bryan said they'd leave if HHH-Bryan was made. HHH was sick of this shit and accepted the match. Bryan said it's not all that he wants...oh my God, they're gonna do the title stip! YAY! This works. Make Bryan-Hunter either the opener or a bookend match, and then do the title match either as the last match or the bookend one. Sheamus-Christian is next, and a Titanfall ad aired. Can't wait to get that tomorrow.

That Sheamus-Christian match announcement made me think the Occupy bit should've ended the show. If you watch one hour of content on the Network per day, it would take 3 1/2 years to watch all of it. Cole has no right to mock the King's outfit in that tie. They talked about King having a ton of Memphis street fights in his day. Remember all those matches King had with guitars and a drumset? Nice tornado DDT off the ramp to the floor from Christian. Christian beat him with a kendo stick and did the Sandman pose. They're having a good match, but it would be a lot better without the goofy props. JBL went on and on for eons about King being behind the Occupy Raw thing by being in cahoots with Bryan. Sheamus beat the everloving fuck out of him with the cane. White Noise got 2. Christian and Sheamus are beat to hell for a comedy match. Sheamus did an Irish Curse OFF THE STEPS...which seems like a bad plan. VINTAGE SHEAMUS-SANDOW DRUM SPOT! These guys are killing themselves and they're talking about the fucking Beatles. And Christian's being buried for being a skinny frog. Brogue kick through the drum took Christian out.

Lana looked hot and introduced Rusev! Bray Wyatt sang a creepy promo and accepted the challenge. I would love to see him get at least a single out there, he's got some talent. They had a basic tag match and went to a break off a Bryan dive. BOOTISTA, HAVE YA HEARD ABOUT BOOTISTA!? Also, Raw's 30 years old and had been on USA for 20 years. Orton hit a headbutt to the chin. Batista took a harder shot from Show's chop than he did in his MMA fight. Bryan beat the champ! Good story night for Bryan, iffy night of action.

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