Thursday, March 27, 2014

TNA Impact 3-27-14

The Gunner-Storm feud was the focus of the Spike credits and the show-opening video package - so nice to see it not involve Dixie and/or MVP. And then MVP starts the show with a promo against Abyss. He says the cream rises to the top, which is...a tad ironic for him to use, although he is delivering the goods in TNA. Magnus and Abyss came down and Magnus said that Abyss's contract was through him - so he doesn't wrestle unless Magnus is then why was he in a match last week? MVP said he wouldn't fire Abyss for hitting could he fire him if he's under Magnus's contract and not a TNA contract? MVP hyped up Abyss to face Magnus, here in what, week TWO of this pairing. Next week, it'll be Magnus-Abyss-Joe for the title. I love Joe being in the title picture, but I don't see that being a good match. Joe came down and demanded a one on one shot since he's A - never happy, and B - owed a fair one on one title match. MVP brawled with Abyss and then EY came down and joined in. That was a bunch of stuff.

A new ShopTNA ad aired, then EY had a mic to lead up to a recap of the segment and MORE TALKING! EY, Eric Young, demands to be in the world title match. Well, he is a former Global champion who also carried around the old TNA World Title in a Stomper outfit. MVP asked why he should give him a shot, and EY says he's been around ten years while MVP's been here for 10 minutes, and where was MVP when he was in Team Canada, the leader of World Elite, a superhero, TV Champ, Global Champ, X Champ, Tag champ, and even KOs Tag Champ. EY is awesome, and is making a fine case for himself and rightfully pointing out that he's actually a really good wrestler who takes chickenshit and turns it into chicken salad. MVP said that since EY was willing to step up, he was in! Well this is different, what the heck - he's a great worker and deserves a main event shot even if it's for one show. EY and Joe brawled. WOAH WOAH WOAH GUYS STOP FIGHTING AND GRAB A MIC! Joe wants a match tonight with EY and gets it. Okay then. They spent 20 minutes hyping up EY and did a good-ish job of it. BULLY RAY HYPED UP HIS LIGHTNIN-PISSIN TWITTAH MACHINE! I think he has a table match with Roode later. The Wolves met with MVP and demanded a match with Abyss and Magnus. A wacky skit aired with EC3, who hates nature, and Spud with a walking stick, searching for Willow.

They came back with the skits being set up, and poor Spud trying to look through the wrong side of the binoculars. Wolves are out for their unannounced match with the world champion and his top henchman for the opener. Davey and Magnus started this off and have great chemistry together. Abyss takes the Wolves out with a double clothesline's break time! Nice cocky bit with Magnus doing a little head shimmy before doing the powerslam>delayed suplex. They hyped up Gunner-Storm II - UNLOCKED. I have no idea what that means. Eddie hits a rana on Magnus. Super missile dropkick to both heels from Davey! Enzuguiri from Eddie led to a German from Davey for 2. Great spot with the Wolves backflipping out of a double chokeslam, hitting a double dropkick to the knees, and then a double round kick before Eddie got the "heel hook" half crab on the WORLD CHAMPION for a tap. Well, the goal was to make the champ seem like he could lose the title next week, and this sure did why didn't it involve anyone actually in the match other than his partner, who grabbed his belt after the match? Looking forward to Eddie getting a shot at the title on TV at some point.

 Angelina came out looking even more rail-thin than usual in a mini-skirt. Angelina showed off what's left of her ass doing her intro. Now she's demanding YET ANOTHER TALKING SEGMENT WITH VELVET. "I HAVE MORE THAN A PROBLEM, I PISSED OFF!" Yowza. Angelina says that Velvet is mediocre and soft without her. A guy near the clown makeup mohawk guy held up a rock out with your knockout sign. SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP Angelina's facing Madison later. STOP. TALKING. This only lasted a few minutes, but wouldn't end. The history of GunStorm was chronicled - their...8 month saga as an off and on team began at Slammiversary and they somehow made it seem epic with just the first video. Five second bit with EC3 and Spud and Bully's out next for...something. Maybe a match with Roode, maybe talking.

 BUT FIRST, another EC3 and Spud skit. EC3 was a dick to Spud about him not wanting to get in the barn. "Man, it's a real crap shack - if I lived here, I'd go nuts." A silly sound effect aired and Spud was taken out. And then Willow cackled. A recap of the GunStorm breakup due to Feast or Fired was shown. Storm's super rana at Genesis was horrible, but man, I totally forgot about this - I figured their Lockdown match was the first one. Unlocked means No DQ by the way. AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR BULLY. A few fans brought tables out. #tablemovement. Taz talked about "2 tomatoes, 1 table". Bully talked about Roode winding up like Dixie. Bully followed up "no more talking" by talking more until Bobby came out to talk. Bobby was blinded by POSSIBLY OWNING 10% OF TNA, and forgot who he was. He recapped being a badass top heel who had the longest world title reign in company history, and spit in Dixie's face before it was cool...really now? Bobby asked if you knew who he was, leading to a no chant. I love Daniel Bryan being the top face in WWE and TNA. Bully, the...I guess face here, attacked Roode from behind. Bully choppd him, missed a shot on the table. Bobby is in damn good shape for 37 - shame he's as old as he is, because if he was able to be in WWE earlier, he'd have at least been a good IC-level guy. Now, I could only see him getting a decent run if it was in a Finlay-style player/coach kind of role where he's there to help guys out and hey, if he gets over, he'll get a little bit of a push. They teased a powerbomb off the apron from Bully to Roode, but Roode escaped with a backdrop. Bobby missed a blockbuster - a move you'd of course use in a fight. Bully missed a corner kick and put his leg through a table. "This isn't an official match", nope, it's gone longer than any of them on the show. More table teases lead to Bully missing a shoulder charge through the table. Abyss breathed deeply and gave Magnus his belt back and bitched about him basically throwing the match, and Magnus said he didn't care about that as long as the title isn't on the line. Abyss got all sad when he was insulted. Madison-Love is up next. In theory. A BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH ad aired. Just perfect.

They hyped up house shows with the party deal by showing clips...of photos being taken and no partying. Knux and I think Brittany met to show off the damaged carnival arcade games. Brittany's ass is quite fine. She might be his sister or something. WHY HAS NONE OF THIS BEEN EXPLAINED ON COMMENTARY BEFORE. Now Knux has deep family issues with his dad. They're telling a...reasonably compelling story here that's being told in a God-awful way. Angelina and Madison had a match for a minute before Velvet came down "dressed for business" in yoga pants and a tiny spiked shirt, so maybe he meant the hooking business. Very Hot O'Conner roll spot. Madison's ass is on display a lot here. Taz talked about there being no shades of grey, only black, only white - NO ONE'S WEARING GREY! Smooth Northern Lights got 2 for Madison. Angelina yelled at Velvet and got hit with a baseball slide as a result. Velvet DDT'd Madison by...landing right on her ass and gave Angelina the win. Velvet and Angelina got all wacky and jumpy afterwards. This was fun. ODB hyped up EY.

A really pretentious ad for the HTC One aired about how bad it is to look up stuff online. MVP and Kenny King talked. Kenny King met with him at 10:30 to discuss working tonight. MVP said he'd make a match for him next week. Joe got a jobber intro. EY and Joe had a really good match. EY as a serious worker can be really good, and he brought his A game here. EY avoided a corner charge with a leap, but they took each other out with a very rare good-looking double clothesline spot. A guy in the crowd wore a Shane Douglas shirt in 2014. EY got a big boot out of a corner charge, but missed a moonsault. Coquina choke is locked in sorta and they did a really bad kick off the ropes spot teasing a pin before the choke took EY out. That was fun, but less so than I was hoping. Okay, now Earl's out saying that Joe's shoulders were down. So Joe can't even beat EY without controversy, which does protect EY to a degree, but it's a bit weak.

Boondocks ad aired. I might actually have to watch Adult Swim for the first time this decade as a result. EC3...did something going towards a wacky house. Tenay talked about post-show footage and it was of Samuel Shaw meeting with Christy and cutting her hair before smelling it. THIS got him a one-week suspension. Oh okay, it's one week because it's Anderson-Shaw next week. It's amazing that the same company that's able to get this much out of Gunner-Storm is also creating the rest of the show, because that got hyped up with another great video. They showed a recap of the attack on Gunner's dad as well when Storm came down. Gunner needs a new theme badly. A fairly big Gunner chant broke out after a snap suplex on the floor, and Tenay broke in to talk about the EC3-Willow thing being shown on the show - yeah, if there's one thing I want after my blood feud main event, it's comedy bullshit. Suplex on the ramp from Storm. I like that, basic tit for tat stuff. They went to a break with Storm on the offensive. Another Boondocks hype vid aired. They came back and talked about it being GUNNER-STORM II after the hype tonight showing it as the third match between them. Slingshot suplex is what was used after the break, but he got the lead beforehand during the break somehow. Trash can shots to the head exchange. Storm got cocky and got weapons, leading to GUNNER SPEARING HIM OFF THE APRON THROUGH A TABLE. VINTAGE EDGE-FOLEY! It's a shame they didn't just pay off the EC3-Willow thing, because I have no desire to watch it after this epic-ish match. Superplex through the double chairs got Gunner the win at Lockdown, but only got 2 here. Like the Storm-Roode thing, they're playing off past stuff nicely. Codebreaker led to TWO LAST CALL SUPERKICKS for 2. Wow. This would be a really fun match to have in WWE 2K14. Gunner got the bottle and hit Storm with it before hitting the F5 for the win. So after getting the Gun Rack over, now that's his finisher. It's a shame they killed the TV Title, because this feud would be a perfect feud to at least in theory have a chance to not only get that thing over, but also make it seem like a secondary title that's as important as the world title - ala New Japan. And then after a dramatic main event, it was time for EC3 to save Spud in a comedy skit where Jeff Hardy beat EC3 down with an umbrella.

Screens -

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