Monday, April 7, 2014

Raw 4-7-14

The post-WM Raw pre-show should be exciting, just due to talking about Bryan and Taker. Wolves getting killed in an Ascension video package. LOL. A Confidential video package on Austin being wacky after Raw set up the pre-show.  The WWF footage in unblurred, but they're using the giant WWE logo bug. This thing is hilarious. "DANIEL BRYAN STOOD IN THE CENTER OF THE UNIVERSE!" Merriman's back on the panel and they're showing some nice graphics to hype up Raw. Bryan will be there tonight to start the show off. HHH-Bryan clips. They had a clip of the Batista bomb/neckbreaker but the audio was weird because they had the arena audio during it too. VINTAGE MY BOY D-BRYAN from Booker. I love seeing all the Taker clips without the bug on them. Cena, Big E, and Sheamus face the Wyatts tonight. Brock-Cena clips from the post-WM Raw and Dolph winning the title were shown. Dolph lost to Ryback earlier. Bryan walking backstage ends the pre-show.

Raw started with the Bryan video now with WM clips and the crowd going YES to start. The first five minutes of the post WM Raw were all about telling his story. Since Orton counted his WWE World Title as two world titles, I guess Bryan is now a five-time world champion in WWE...amazing. Then for four minutes they just kept chanting his name. HHH has +1 hammer defense. He came out without his jaw taped up. Crowd chanted asshole at him. HHH said he wasn't coming in the ring, so Bryan got his belts and YESed them in his face. I can't wait for Yes to be amended in the dictionary. HHH said Bryan would defend the titles tonight AGAINST HIM! Excellent - a rematch to WM's best match. The gravity of the Taker loss really sunk in with the graphic and the "In Time" song playing.

WM slideshow ruled. Orton and Batista bitched about wanting rematches with Bryan, so they got...the tag titles. Each guy buried that. Welp, that was stupid. They teased Evolution's return here though. YAY WYATTS! Cena's out. "HE DIPPED HIS TOE IN THE DARK SIDE!" sounds about as stupid as "THERE'S NO HULKAMANIACS HERE!" Crowd went crazy for the Wyatts, and chanted for Bray wildly. They booed for Rowan and Sheamus going at it. The best part of this was Cole saying that Hogan will present the trophy to Cesaro! A giant Harper chant broke out after the break. A synchronized "John Cena Sucks" chant song broke out. Then Bray asked Cena WHAT IS YOUR MALFUNCTION!? SWAMP CHIN MUSIC TO BIG E! So yeah, that was all great. Fuck-all for the wrestling, that was just a ton of fun to watch.

An "impossible" I'M POSSIBLE" video aired for Bo! Fandango's entrance got a huge pop, so hey, they might've saved him. The dancers are facing Santino and Emma, who has nothing going without her intro. Emma's tarantula, bodyblock, and Emma lock won. This largely sucked. After this goofball shit, IT'S BROCK! Yet another awesome WM slideshow. Cole said Brock was the most DESPISED MAN IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT. Why? He won without cheating. Brock's either got a black eye or a good makeup job. Heyman hyped up Brock ending a streak that lasted nearly a quarter of a century. A giant bullshit chant broke out. Heyman talked about Taker collapsing after WM. Heyman said it's a good thing Taker didn't get his shoulder up, BECAUSE IF HE HADN'T, BROCK WOULDN'T HAVE STOPPED. Tremendous - just like King in the AWA Title win. Heyman cut the best promo of his career putting Brock over as THE ONE. THE ONE who conquered the streak. THE ONE in 21-1, THE ONE who went from the ring to the Octagon, and THE superstar and Hall of Famer! That was an instant classic promo, and now it's time for the Usos-Evolution.

A fantastic video for Adam Rose and the Exotic Express aired. It's a shame they changed the theme, but this gimmick can already be major league, so why not go with it. Usos went at it with Orton. A Y2J chant broke out. Then a CM Punk one hit. Draping DDT on the floor led to a countout. Batista bomb on the steps for the post-match. This wasn't much, but felt like a place-setter for something big. RVD came out after the break to face Sandow. Cole hyped up the "hybrid style". Hybrid style - some stuff hits too hard, other stuff misses by a mile. RVD got a "you still got it" chant for the little barricade legdrop deal. This was every short RVD match ever.

They hyped up the Journey to WrestleMania documentary for Bryan airing on the network tomorrow. Rey's out to face BAD NEWS BARRETT!? AND HE'S GOT A SHINY NEW CAPE! He's got the BOOM in his theme timed perfectly with his elbow mannerism. Rey got booed for attacking BNB. Winds of Change gets 2. Cole attempted to bury BNB by saying he's a 3-time IC Champ. Barrett is soaking in this match. Barrett hits the Bull Hammer while Rey's on top and BNB wins - BNB's a star again! The crowd clapped "bad news" and he did too. They hyped up a debut tonight, and then awkwardly held on a camera shot - it's Rusev, and the highlight reel for him was great.

We saw inside the Exotic Express, with his future ex-girlfriend and current one. AND BUNNIES! THEY HOP! THE RAVISHING RUSSIAN Lana came out. Rusev's graphic is custom-made in Bulgarian. Giant Sambo suplex ala FPR hit and set up the camel clutch. HOF recap. WARRIOR'S ON RAW NEXT! Another slideshow showcased Cesaro and the HOF. Warrior came down in a nice suit, then put on a ring jacket and SHOOK DEM ROPES! He got a mask out and COSPLAYED AS HIMSELF! The fans are Warrior-makers and other such. Well, that was strange. VINTAGE WARRIOR! A nice video aired thanking the fans.

AJ cut a promo about being divas champ for 295 days. CM Punk chant broke out as she talked about her pipebomb promo. I do love that she wound up getting a pipe bomb promo and a Punk-ish title run. "I've gone from being a poor girl in New Jersey to THE BEST DIVA IN THE WORLD!" Paige debuted! LOL @ the Bring Back Brooke #datass sign. Paige got a huge chant. AJ made AJ-Paige for the title! The whole "she just came out to congratulate her" bit would make more sense if she wasn't in her gear. Paige Turner out of the Black Widow won! Bad-looking finish, but wow! Cesaro-Hogan next - show gets better and better!

Bo Dallas got another video. They recapped Paige's win - what a huge changing of the guard night it's been. Hulk Hogan is coming to the ring to put Claudio Castignoli over in 2014. This is a thing! The HULK'S CUTE CARD: SMOOTHIE KING CENTER sign is great. Hogan put over the battle royal and a huge Cesaro chant broke out. Zeb's still with Cesaro AND THEY'RE CHANTING HIS THEME! Zeb grabbed the mic from him and said "he'd give it back". Cesaro shut him up. He said he's not a Zeb Colter guy, HE'S A PAUL HEYMAN GUY! Huge YES chant. Claudio is so perfect with Heyman. They're getting King of Swing over instantly. Swagger destroyed his trophy! I don't know if Heyman's a face or what, but this was great. Maybe he's just going to be a likeable heel.

Cesaro-Swagger was on after the break. THANK GOD THEY'RE DOING THIS NOW. Cesaro started the match on the app with a big dropkick. DEADLIFT SUPERPLEX TO SWAGGER! That deadlift superplex should be a finish - it's the only superplex people view as credible now. Cesaro did the big uppercut chain in the corner from last night, but whipped him from buckle to buckle. Swagger left resulting in a bullshit chant. The right leg of the trophy broke off and fell. HOLY FUCK SHIELD-WYATTS ON MAIN EVENT! Wow. WWE World Title match is next.

Steph met with Kane and the Shield and ordered them to get along and make sure HHH got the title. Mr. Kane got screeched out by Steph. So is the U.S. Title still a thing? Because Ambrose doesn't have it. Show faces Cesaro on is Cesaro a face or just in a tweener role for right now? Another WM slideshow set up the title match. Bryan, the champ, came out first. They're hyping up that the reign could end on Raw since his last one did. Bootista and Orton came down then. RKO to Bryan led to the Bootista bomb. Then Mr. Kane sauntered down and chokeslammed him. Crowd chanted 3MB at them. I love HHH going for his full intro after the ass-kicking. It both makes sense and makes no sense. HHH's left leg is taped to hell and back. Ref was bullied into ringing the bell. Shield came down. I want a Shield hoodie/mask combo now. Shield had an outside the ring staredown with Kane and Evolution. VINTAGE WYATTS-SHIELD BUILD! It got a this is awesome chant within seconds! I love that this makes sense to draw out - gives Bryan time to recover for the flash knee and a win! HHH mentioned a war...hmmm..SPEAR TO HHH! BIG BRAWL! BRYAN GOT THE KNEE, but they dragged him out and Rollins said "RUN LIKE THE COWARD YOU ARE!" WWE in 2014 is amazing.

The Shield cut a fine promo, then Bryan cut one crying about getting to live his dream instead of his sister, his mother, and his fiancee. Then a bunch of nothing happened. Merriman is actively bad.

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