Thursday, April 10, 2014

TNA Impact 4-10-14

TNA...has a show this week. They're basically doomed with it, between everything happening over the past week and TNA just existing for eons now. At least they're having a bit of fun with wacky skits. Oh, and Dixie's back. #WrathofDixie. They had a nice graphic for Warrior to start, and then Dixie got out of a limo and said she had a lot to say...just not now. MVP said the TNA World title was ONE OF THE MOST important titles in wrestling. Well, as a former IWGP IC Champion, he's held something more important. MVP cut a promo to...I think the camera, maybe Magnus, I don't know, he kept talking about him in name only. A 10 man gauntlet for a shot at the gold starts. Storm, once the guy who seemed like he couldn't led to a TNA revolution where they finally broke though, came out with his dyed beard, gut, and long tights just looking bored. Gunner and Storm start things off. They just did stuff for a while until Roode came down. Beer Money attacked Gunner. I hope Murphy comes out to help Gunner here. Nope - it's Bully! Bully took a double suplex and no-sold it to help Gunner run wild. Tenay says "it only makes sense to help in this every man for himself match." No, it doesn't. EC3 came out. Odd that they get the War Games psychology right for a battle royal, but not really for the War Games match itself. Bully murdered EC3's chest with chops. Lashley's out to even the odds. "THINK OF THIS GUY'S CAREER." Overachieved in WWE. Underachieved everywhere else...might be best to not think about it, actually.

Mr. Abyss not in a suit came out. ANOTHER FORMER WORLD CHAMPION. Yup, and the only one who got it via DQ. Magnus's theme hit, and he came out in a fantastically-douchey outfit. They came back with him on commentary and Sanada in the ring. Then EY came out. More nothing happened until Willow came down. Spud came down in his greatest suit yet. Spud helped EC3 take out Hardy, then Roode eliminated Lashley, and then Bully got rid of Roode. Roode helped EC3 eliminate Bully. Storm got rid of Gunner, who peaked on the show by bonking his head on the buckle a bunch leading to Tenay saying "HE'S MR. INTENSITY - THAT'S WHAT HE'S DOING!" Storm and Abyss are in there with EY, who logically has to win this as the last face. Loved Magnus losing his shit when EY did the flying elbow. Draping DDT to EY from Storm. EY took out Storm, so either EY is main eventing a PPV, or we're already getting Abyss-Magnus. They did a fakeout with EY going over the ropes. EY got the win with a clothesline over the I didn't see EY winning, but why not? The show's going to die either way, might as well tell a fun story. Hemme interviewed EY, who told MVP that he had a request. Logically, this should involve guys being banned from ringside. TNA gives a match 30 minutes and it's the most nothing battle royal ever.

They came back with the arena cheering like crazy for EY. Well, they at least picked a crazy-over face to get the title match. EY thanked MVP for this chance and said his right arm is messed up. EY said he wanted the title shot tonight, and got a yes chant. Well, he's got a big beard. And now they're going to tell the Bryan story of a beloved bearded babyface fighting against the odds with an arm injury. Magnus talked about the Magnus Rules, and MVP nixed those. If Magnus tries to get DQed or counted out, he loses the title - he didn't say EY got it, Magnus just loses it. And Abyss and everyone else is banned from ringside. Good, a face has a brain. Spud surprised Dixie with a party, and his suit. Velvet groped Angelina to help her stretch...

BPs got an intro for Angelina being in the match. Velvet has the perfume again. ODB focused her attack on Angelina's ass with both a smack and a kick. ODB hit the fallaway slam and then shook the ropes. Tajiri's esque-handspring off the ropes into a moonsault by Brittany - nice! Angelina won thanks to the perfume and a pump kick. MVP and Dixie had a wacky meeting.

They came back...DAVEY HAS DYED BLONDE HAIR! Wolves can't get their shot due to Robbie's flight being cancelled. Jesse carried both belts, then did squats with them to prove he's healthy. And MVP gave Robbie until bell time to get here or DJ Z takes his spot. I can't get over Davey's hair. A quick recap of the EY shot aired, and then Magnus cut a badly-edited promo. Then Dixie came back at 10. She cut a small promo on Bully. Crowd chanted "we don't want you". Then a "we don't like you" chant was even bigger. Dixie had to yell to drown out the crowd. Dixie said Roode put him through a table, no two, NO THREE. AND ACCORDING TO HER VAST WRESTLING KNOWLEDGE, HE'S NEVER BEEN PUT THROUGH THREE TABLES IN ONE NIGHT. Bully said "This is THEIR COMPANY!". The fans in attendance will soon be getting bills in the mail. Dixie demanded her money back, but Bully said don't trust anyone, that he bought a car, and spent most of it at Rick's Cabaret. Dixie took the mic out of Bully's hand and said she could nix his pay, was his boss, and slapped him. So Bully's Stone Cold and Dixie's Vince. How long until Bully pours concrete into Dixie's reasonably-priced 1999 Corvette? Roode came out and attacked Bully. They teased a powerbomb through the table, but Roode countered, leaving her with Dixie. And then they just stared at each other and they went to a break.

Dixie and Magnus argued about petty shit. "Wrath of Dixie my ass" was pretty funny. The Wolves came out and got the champs's graphic. Jesse threw a nice dropkick - WWE should definitely sign him. Taz put over Davey's hair while burying it. Eddie hit a rana on both guys - neat. GIF-worthy selling by Jesse off the handspring kick from Davey. It hit and Jesse just flew high in the air. They hit the Alarm Clock, but Robbie caused a DQ and saved the title. I'm fine with that - they can save the change for the PPV. Christy's cleavage cut a promo to the camera about a meeting with Shaw later.

Christy's got a theme now, and the crowd chanted creepy bastard at Shaw. They talked about her SHOCKING announcement. Shocking? She's going to give him a handjob with a joy buzzer? "Guys, he's not a creepy bastard - okay?" Hilarious. She said she sees him for who he is - misunderstood. Christy took his glove off with her mouth in the least sexy way possible. She had him keep his eyes closed, then they showed a psych van backstage. Anderson was there, snuck around wackily, snuck out, made wacky faces AND HE'S GOT HIS HAIR DYE AGAIN. He's regained charisma, and took Shaw out with the Mic Check. A funny farm chant broke out. This was fantastic! They sang the goodbye song, then Christy this was so much better than expected. Anderson's great again! And then Shaw escaped the van and...Ken just stopped. 

Willow cut a wacky promo about wanting to face EC3 and Spud next week and then dropped that BE THERE OR BE TRIANGULAR line. EY and Magnus came out and didn't get a big-match intro. They just did some stuff before a break.IT DOESN'T GET ANY BIGGER THAN THIS - Magnus-EY for the title...I call bullshit on that. Magnus got a camel clutch and made him humble. EY's getting token offense, making me think he could actually win this. There's a dueling LET'S GO EY/EY SUCKS chant. Nice flying forearm from EY led to a discus lariat with the bad arm. Wheelbarrow neckbreaker leads to the elbow! Mag Driver gets 2. Magnus grabbed the belt, but it was just a ruse to distract him from a low blow with a 2.999 count. Great nearfall there. Crucifix got 2 for EY. PILEDRIVER FROM EY! 1-2-3! Well what the hell, he's been loyal, is a great hand, and gets a little short-term title run. It's a good week for a feel-good story and this was one.

Screens -

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