Wednesday, August 20, 2014

TNA Impact 8-20-14

The pre-show Cops has a guy getting busted for screwing in a car in a kid-filled neighborhood next to a park. Neither of these folks are the nicest-looking of folks. There's also a weird show-ending robbery bit with a woman who appears to be quite drunk and robbed someone. I love her saying CALL MY MOTHER and the cop saying he will - to tell her she's going to jail! Turns out, she was banging on doors. She says it was her, but not her. This is amazing. Very sad though. The MOTHER SHOWS UP! She's sick of this shit. SOBER UP, GET OFF YA DRUGS, AND GET OUT! "Impact's signature hardcore event is on a new night" sets up the show - making it seem like a one week timeslot change. They ran the card down - we're getting Anderson-Shaw in an I Quit match for whatever reason. Stairway to Janice stars the show. Abyss does the worst overhead belly to belly I've ever seen into the ladder - appearing to smack his own back through his head on the ladder. They do a week post shot on the floor to set up can shots. They each go into the steps. Barb wire board is up, AND A SECOND ONE - grabbed with a bare hand. Bram gigged off the steps here in the opener. The crowd gets wire, ladders, steps, and now they're chanting for fire. The boards on two sides of the ring remind me of FPR's barb wire/light board matches. Bram goes up a ladder to grab Janice, but he gets chokeslammed really smoothly off the ladder.

Taz puts over THE NEW WEDNESDAY TIMESLOT. Abyss has the tacks. Taz then puts over the Dixie interview later. Bram gets tossed through a wire board in the corner, and Abyss nearly falls into a ladder. Amusingly, Taz said "quick feet" allowed him to move. Bram puts Abyss through the other board when Abyss climbs up parallel to it and Bram shoves him down. Bram gets Janice, but that's only step 1! So I guess pin is step 2 or something. Abyss black hole slams him onto the tacks to counter a Janice shot. Abyss goes to impale him with the weapon, but Bram kicks him in the nuts, grabs Janice and guts him for the win. Tenay put this over as the first time someone has had Abyss's number. EC3, Spud, and Rhino were asked about jail. EC3 said it gave him clarity. EC3 holds people accountable NEXT. If TNA's really done soon, at least EC3 used his time outside of WWE to basically use TNA as an audition tape that he's capable of at least being an IC Title-level guy - you can plop this act in WWE under a different name and it would get over just fine even with Miz also doing the cocky heel bit.

They recapped the monster's ball and Magnus was mad at Bram, because of course he was. He's in the world title shot 6 sides of steel. Why? He hasn't been anywhere close to the title since losing it. EC3's jail bit got recapped. VLAD THE SUPERFAN booed EC3 and Spud, who Taz said was dressed like a trial size bottle of Pepto Bismol. EC3 said the man who is to blame isn't just Bully, but Rhino - while he said this, fans in Bullet Club shirts were unimpressed. Rhino's voice cracked like a teenager. Rhino called him a bitch and told him to shove his money up his ass. Well, that's better than what he'd talk about shoving up things in ECW. EC3 went nuts on Rhino and then shoved Spud down - this was really good. Joe-Ki is up next. They talked about history, but didn't really show any of it. They did say it was all about East Coast domination back in the day. Anderson did a PSA about smoking since he was 13, and it took his dad's death from smoking to get him to quit. This was really good, and the Spike bumper at the end makes it seem like this is a network-wide thing. If Spike didn't want anything to do with TNA, they wouldn't have done this.

Hardys cut a goofy promo about an enigmatic journey for the tag division. Joe cut a promo about being the X Division champion meaning you need to be the best in the world. Ki's out in a white, orange, and black getup without the bodysuit. Tenay talked about Ki taking the title from Joe in '06. Taz talked about Ki being smaller, but a super-tough dude. Ki locks on a rope armbar and Tenay talks about Ki being in the first X division match back in '02 - when he was 22. He hasn't aged a day since then. Ki kicks and chops Joe. Joe just elbows him down to set up some jabs. Giant knee drop from Joe gets 2. Joe nails the inverted atomic, the big boot, and the senton for another 2. Joe's looking better here than he has in a long-ass time. Low Ki counters a muscle buster with a kick to the face and a double stomp while Joe was in a 619 position. Ki kicks him, including the kneeling hook kick that somehow forced Joe to his feet to setup a counter for a springboard kick. Tenay says Ki's the second X Champion in history, and he won it from AJ. Ki Crusher is countered into a powerbomb>Tenzan crab combo, then the STF. Joe eats a run-up spin kick for 2! Ki goes up top, gets taken down and hit with a muscle buster for the win! This ruled! Anderson bitched and moaned to JB about Shaw - THE CREEPY BASTARD. Shaw told him to not talk shit about his friends, and they brawled. Shaw looks weird with the facial hair and shaved head. They brawl and go to a break after Shaw gets shoved into pipes.

An ad ran for the TNA World Cup, and it's I Quit time. Anderson's attacking with a chair - because we needed more weapons. Good to have this match with chairs after the barb wire board, tack, ladder, and nail-board using OPENER. They brawled on the ramp and Gunner came down to talk. Shaw attacked Anderson. Anderson's DON'T TREAD ON ME gear makes no sense with his gimmick. Shaw attacked him with the mic, so now he's being heelish. Shaw got a Camel Clutch and Anderson made wacky Joker faces. Tenay put Anderson over as fighting through the pain. So I think he's the face now. Anderson gets divorce court to set up an armbar. Anderson said yes, so the crowd did a big YES chant. And Shaw quit. Well, this sucked. Team 3D teased the Hardys thing and said they'd be taking things to the next level and there's only one more piece - IT'S TIME FOR TALKING! Well, maybe - Tenay said his interview was also next. It's either one or the other - it can't be both!

They showed post-show footage of Gail being attacked last week by Love. Angle was DISGUSTED by this and Angle makes the match anyway because Gail asked. So instead of getting either thing we were promised "next", we got that. Roode cut a promo outside of a cage talking about his love for wrestling and being known as the best and tonight, he'll win the cage match. Hardys are out for talking. Jeff cut the promo and was actually decent - getting a big Hardy chant going. Bully cut a promo about agreeing with Jeff and Matt...about what? We never heard their proposal. Bully said they were all great not because they said so, but the fans did. Bully said they all want to be tag champs, but they're not the champs - so they called out the Wolves to settle this. This 3D promo would've made sense if we knew that the plan was a 3-way to determine the champs. Eddie said that 3D and the Hardys are considered some of the best teams of all-time - and they want to be in that discussion too. Impact Wrestling - where TAG TEAM WRESTLING MATTERS. I'm all for it. Tenay did a rushed VO for the interview. Dixie's bedroom is lush. Dixie went to the ER has a broken back and busted L2 and L3 vertebrae and she fractured a rib too, and a hard one to break too. So she broke her back for a ratings stunt involving a guy that's now gone from the company. BOY WAS THAT EVER BRILLIANT. Dixie said a Carter never forgets and she ends the interview and demands that Serge fluff her pillow. Dixie's headboard sure has a lot of pinholes in it.

Mike Tenay congratulated Christy Hemme on being pregnant - she's due in December. TNA has been a crazy-fertile company over the past few years. They re-aired last week's weird Storm-Sanada video. Sanada looks like just a dude with the dark hair. Velvet and Love came out in hot new gear. Gail and Angelina do stuff until Love gets a cookie sheet - of course this match would get weapons too. It gett dropkicked into Love's face. Sky helps her out with a cookie sheet shot. Gail set up a DDT on the steps, but Velvet pulled Gail's feet and she bonked her head for a 9 count. Gail's black and blue gear is hot - super-short shorts. Gail gets the ringpost figure 4! Gail got a chair, but Sky tried to grab it. Gail shoved her off, but ate the Botox Injection with the chair on the ramp. Gail got up earlier here than she did before and Sky did a zombie walk towards her. Gail shoved Sky into Love crotching her on the top, leading to a SUPER KRYPTONITE KRUNCH ON THE CHAIR! This wasn't an amazing match from start to finish, but it had some really good stuff in it - the finish was really impressive.

Angle made a 2/3 series between Hardys-Wolves-3D, and the winning team picks the stips. 6 Sides of Steel is up. Lashley, King, and MVP talked for a bit. MVP said that he was supposed to win the title at Slammiversary and Lashley was given the match and stepped up to win the gold. That wound up being just about the best thing humanly possible since the Lashley dynamic as the beast with MVP as his talker is far better than MVP struggling to have okay-ish matches at best now. He ran through Lashley's kill streak. Hardy flies high, but against Lashley, HE CRASHED AND BURNED. A Dub's an innovator - he cashed in, and cashed his ass out right away. MVP is so much better as a manager than as a wrestler, and that's not a bad thing - he's 40, banged up as a part-time guy, and should be transitioning out of the ring anyway. Tenay talked about the cage match's rules - there's only one - the first guy whose feet touch win. EY showed up in nice blue and red gear with wacky Cat in the Hat socks. Yikes. Gunner and Magnus got jobber intros here. Storm in a sweet silver ring jacket and Roode came out last. Taz picked EY to win since he was the only guy wearing black. Tenay talked about EY having the NY Rangers logo, and Taz said it's just the font with Showtime - and put over his graphic design background, which Tenay agreed with. Faces bonked the heels into the cage 2-on-1. Guys walked up the cage and on the ropes before a break. Way to kill the flow of the match - it will now have maybe eight minutes left.Nope - it's 10:53 and we're getting a BFG ad.

They came back and Storm's dangling off the cage by his hair. There's no flow to anything - it's just a bunch of stuff. There's a cute spot with EY doing a sharpshooter, Roode doing a crossface, and Aries getting the Last Chancery for a cool-looking shot. Tenay puts over the Bellator season opener with Lashley THE TNA WORLD CHAMPION competing on the show in an MMA fight. That really is a pretty cool deal that should in theory put their belt over. Tenay put over the Wednesday night timeslot change. Kinda surprised he didn't say it was the company returning to its original night to at least make some on-air sense of it. Opposite-side tower of doom spot looked cool too. Roode and EY did the powerbombs and then did a cage race ala Paul-Hogan. The timing was off, so they had to do some wacky cuts. The show ending with no decision, but they did put over next week's tag series starting up.

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