Sunday, August 17, 2014

WWE SummerSlam 2014

Kickoff's just started. Yay, the announcers get to not drink more MTN Dew Kickstart! Booker T is plugging the Katana sushi joint in LA. Riley says he can't wait to see the celebs, while Flair says that RONDA ROUSEY is here! RONDA ROUSEY! WOO! RONDA ROUSEY! Flair was almost Foley-with-Melina level here. Brie-Steph recap. They kept bitch in this one. "I'M GOING TO. TEAR! YOUR! HEART! OUT!" remains hilarious. We get the SHUCKY DUCKY QUACK QUACK moment, complete with plugging Ronda Rousey being backstage. A Mark Yeaton 2015 WWE HOF sign was shown on the hard camera side. They did some stuff before an ad break, where they plugged the Network and how amazing a deal everyone with the Network already knows it is! RVD hits a moonsault off the apron, but leaps into a crossbody only to get hit by an uppercut for 2. RVD HIT THE FIVE STAR AND WON!? Wow. RVD should have won last year at Summerslam, didn't, but he won this year. Yargh. A fan won the Totino's contest, got to do some training, and take part in the pre-show panel for 30 seconds. He's The Mama's Boy because he lives with his mother. This would be like TNA bragging that their fans are 40 year old virgins. Brock ad aired - "I'm a bad son of a bitch!". haha - the vomit line closed the pre-show. Hogan's out to start the show as the host or something. The Raw set for of all shows SUMMERSLAM is disappointing. Hogan plugged the Network and a 9.99 chant broke out, video quality also nosedived for only $9.99! Getting a ton of quick little rewinds here - the opening video is taking forever. They exchange hiptoss counters before Miz takes Dolph down with a big boot. Dolph got a superkick for 2! Dolph hits a baseball slide after Miz try to bail, but eats a figure 4. Dolph gets a fameasser, but eats a Finale for 2 after a counter by jamming Dolph's knee into the mat! Zig Zag - DOLPH WINS! NOOO! POOR MIZ! 

God, this Steph-Brie recap is dreadful with Cole trying to talk through it. And Steph's acting. And Brie's acting. Brie acted more in a bit with Tom Phillips. She's in LA - GO TO AN ACTING CLASS! Paige skipped down in dark red gear looking so very hot. AJ pulled Paige's extensions out, just like Eva on SD. Wow - I just got some weird fast forward thing during the apron spot. Electric chair drop to AJ on the barricade. AJ gets the Black Widow, but it's countered into the Ram-Paige cradle DDT.

NEW FLAG MATCH STIPS!  If Rusev wins...he gets his usual flag bit over the ring! Lana referenced happy endings in her promo. Swagger got a big military intro. Swagger HAS to be winning this. They brawl before the match to do damage to Rusev's ankle before the match. CAN RUSEV, THE VALIANT BABYFACE, OVERCOME THE ODDS!? Swagger's got bad ribs still, so Rusev's got a reverse bearhug on. Rusev blocks a Swagger bomb, but eats a second one.  I love the commentators pointing out how stupid Swagger is for not only attacking with his injured body part, but not hitting Rusev's injured ankle. Shortarm round kick to the stomach by Rusev! Rusev went for the Accolade, BUT HE CAN'T SUPPORT HIS WEIGHT! Rusev modified it into a basic rear chinlock variant. Swagger turns it into the ankle lock! Rusev gets a kick and ultimate splash leading to a mid-ring Accolade! Rusev...gets the win via passout. Ugh. Lana's bragging made this worthwhile. Lana looks so much more tan with the white suit AND THEY ATTACKED ZEB! This led to a great visual with the heels standing over the fallen faces with their flag and anthem. Rusev-Swagger was my favorite match so far.

Ambrose-Rollins is up next. Seth and his generic theme started this. Ambrose's new anarchy hoodie is fantastic! Dean's on the attack to start, but Seth gets ahead with a lariat. Seth gets the buckle flatliner. Wyatts are out as lumberjacks, which just seems odd given their gimmick. Seth gets a cobra clutch. Avalanche suplex off the apron from Ambrose to Seth and onto the whole pile by the announce table! Seth gets tossed into the crowd, but the heels won't let him attack, so he bypasses them by running the announce tables to attack him! Mr. Kane came out to insult the lumberjacks for allowing the guys to fight into the crowd - all the way up, in fact. Sandow dressing up as an actual lumberjack is amusing. Seth attacks Sin Cara - TAKE THAT AAA! Seth tries to escape, but as Cole says THERE'S THE FRONT LINE!? WHERE'S THE MAIN EVENT MAFIA!? Ambrose dives onto a pile of dudes. Rebound lariat gets a 360 sell from Seth! Dean hits the curb stomp, but Kane comes in to be verbally abused by Goldust before EVERYONE COMES IN AND DOES STUFF! This isn't a DQ. Instead, Seth hits a FLYING CASE SHOTRIGHT OUT OF NO MERCY ON THE N64!

Jericho-Bray gets a blah recap. I hope Ronda one day gets this phone light intro. Bray's got pea-green pants on. JERICHO'S GOT A NEW JACKET! It's got lines on it now and looks fantastic - almost on par with Devitt's. Why choose this match of all matches to plug Slam City? AND CAN THEY PLEASE WRITE NEW AD COPY FOR THAT?! Jericho got a triangle shoulderblock - nice switch-up there. They do a lot of not much before a chinlock. Jericho's got a nasty bruise on his thigh from something. Bray gets put in the Walls, revealing a big gut. He's put some weight back on. Bray gets the ropes and hits an apron DDT for 2. Bray goes up, gets stopped and eats a super rana for 2! This is a technically-fine match, just not exciting. Bray did the spider walk as a counter to the lionsault - why not just moonsault him still? Codebreaker hits, but Bray's by the ropes and gets his foot underneath, and a 2 count anyway. They didn't even bring up the Codebreaker ending the match last month. Ugh. So easy and still not done. Samoan spike sets up Abigail on the barricade. Mid-ring Abigail gets the win. Bray said he was dead during the spider walk, and the crowd was dead during and after this. Bray cuts a promo on Jericho finally learning what it means to follow the buzzards, and sang the "whole world" song. Bray's got a nice singing career when his wrestling career is over.

This ominous promo led to, of course, a Taki's ad. Brie-Steph is up next, leading to the 900th Brie-Steph recap tonight. I had time to get trash together and make a sandwich and this video is STILL GOING ON! This match has honestly gotten more hype than the main event tonight. King and JBL fawned over Steph. Their Twitter graphic is really hard to read. They did some basic stuff before my stream went all wonky. VQ died and froze. "Who's my bitch!" Steph rules. Steph got the lead for a long-ass time before Brie fought back with a shitty Thesz press. Brie doing Bryan's moves proves that it's not what you do, but how you do it. They put over that Bryan paid $10 to watch this on the Network. No Nikki or HHH out there. Brie's punches are about as bad as her kicks. Maybe worse. Brie went for the Yes Lock like a child playing wrestler. HHH pulled the ref out. Cole's outraged that HHH is out there despite BEING ADVERTISED FOR IT! HHH sells for Brie. Nikki and Brie trapped Steph mid-ring, so Nikki pulled Steph aside to attack Brie! Pedigree wins and the heels kneel over her.  HHH is struggling to move in this squatted position. JBL put over VINCE MCMAHON WATCHING ON THE WWE NETWORK!

Mama's Boy video aired. The peak was Hurricane's theme and Cole's jacket. I hope Hurricane trends worldwide. Orton's out in new grey with silver and black gear - looks awesome. Black and blue does look better than black and olive green for Roman. They're not doing too much - but Roman's punches alone rule. Garvin stomp does too. Crowd's not too hot here - given that they've put Roman in the Raw opener due to reactions, I'm surprised they didn't do that here. Superplex to Roman gets 2. I hope we at least get Orton countering the spear with a DDT ala 2K14. It'd get a pop and a big nearfall too. LONG chinlock. REIGNS FINALLY DOES SOMETHING - a corner clothesline. Basement dropkick. Roman gets posted leading to MORE ORTON OFFENSE. This doesn't bode well for match excitement. Roman eats an Angle slam on the announce table that partially cracks it a bit. Super Samoan Drop from Roman gets 2. Well, now I know a move to give Roman in No Mercy. Superman Punch! Reigns went for the spear, but it was countered into a powerslam! Well, it wasn't a DDT, but still great. Draping DDT! Reigns went for the flying lariat, but Orton hit a mid-move RKO FOR 2! Orton teased a punt , but he got tripped and ate a spear for the win! This got really great during the last 5+ minutes.

They plugged Summerslam going to NY/NJ - new Summerslam logo looks like shit. WWE Network plug. Brock's out. Boy is Brock's ever-changing physique fascinating. He's back to WM 29 levels here. This Cena shirt icon looks so terribly goofy. A fan's Meep Moop sign was the highlight of the intros. They started off basically playing off the first one, only with Cena charging in and getting some strikes before Brock waylays him with hammer punches and body blows before a FLASH F5 FOR 2! HOLY MEEP MOOP at that opening segment! Brock hits a German - suplex, not an announcer. Second one. Cena is going to literally kill himself for the company, then ask them to clone him to do it all over again. Grounded knee to the ribs of Cena - right out of FPR. Can't wait to have this match in FPR later - since it's got MMA moves and positioning within a pro wrestling framework, it'll be super-easy to do. ONE CHILD is chanting "let's go Cena". Cena got some body blows, but ate a big knee. This kid won't shut up. I hope Brock finds that kid and yells at him. Another knee to the gut sets up a third and fourth German. FIFTH. SIXTH! I love Brock making GERMAN SUPLEXING A GROUNDED CENA look like it's nothing. The positioning is right out of FPR too. Brock is sweating an unhealthy amount here. SEVENTH GERMAN SUPLEX, made even better with Brock gently lifting him up. EIGHTH GERMAN SUPLEX! CENA GETS SOME ELBOWS, CLOTHESLINES AND AN AA FOR 2! Brock sat up like it was nothing and laughed! Brock's hopping around with his fist up to set up a double-leg and some punches! Love this! JBL referenced the Carwin fight, followed by Cole saying he was never the same after it. ROLLING GERMANS! So glad I gave Brock those in No Mercy. ANOTHER SET OF ROLLING GERMANS! Brock stands over him, BUT CENA GETS THE STF! Brock reverses and PUNCHES THE SHIT OUT OF HIM! Second F5 wins! Brock and Cena have absurdly good chemistry together. And Cena's career just got shortened by a decade. Love seeing Brock with both belts.

Screens -

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