Sunday, October 26, 2014

WWE Hell in a Cell 2014

I'm skipping the pre-show because they're a waste of time, but have some issues with the Network actually starting on the X1. "From the Beginning" doesn't work, and just brings things up live - it's apparently fall 2 of the IC Title match. And then it just logged me out mid-camel clutch from Cesaro. Well, this is going to be a fun one. Dolph gets a bad kimura. Why the fuck is Dolph Ziggler using the World Champion's finisher as a transitional move? Cesaro-Plex gets 2. Dolph gets a fameasser for a long 2. Dolph kicks out of the VE uppercut for 2. Dolph gets a kneeling arm breaker, a superkick, a zig zag, and HE GETS THE CLEAN SWEEP!? Holy shit. Great celebration with Dolph and the fans though.

Replay airing of the first 10 minutes I missed - the Cell-hyping video package to start was great and made fine use of JR's call of the Taker-Foley cell. The audio gets muted towards the end of the video package. Dolph's out first, followed by Cesaro. Restarting the stream worked. Ugh. The Network worked better than this at WM. They do mat stuff to start and JBL brings up Dolph's amateur record. Cesaro gets a big NJPW forearm countered into a wacky Dean-Eddie counter exchange for 2s. Cradle out of the Swing gets 2. Stun Gun sets up the Swing for 2, and then a cradle for 3. So that's the first fall I missed. Stream worked fine for me upon a replay of the first fall. Well, I'll rewatch everything to get a feel for the flow of things, but that wasn't much of a fall. 

They come back from the Warrior Network hype video to tell you that you're a moron for buying it on PPV and YOU COULD BE PAYING $10 INSTEAD OF $55! Just what I want on PPVs - extensive Raw Rebounds. Orton using the clips as evidence to the Authority of him being annoyed by Seth, and then getting talked down a bit by HHH and Steph. HHH says he's better than anyone at finishing Cena. If he's so good at finishing John Cena, why hasn't he done it before? Bella vs. Bella is up next.

It's set up with clips of Summerslam largely focusing on Steph and nothing afterwards. Brie has a slashed up pants getup and is wearing a flannel shirt as a belt... is this 1999? Nikki gets 2 off a facebuster and just yells at Brie to just give up. Nikki's ass and cleavage are out of control here. JBL chant breaks out. Brie gets the rope knee, but Nikki escapes. Brie gets a suicide dive and hurts Nikki's leg - her CAREER-THREATENING SHIN INJURY is brought up. CAN THE VALIANT BABYFACE NIKKI OVERCOME THIS INJURY!? Rack Attack gets 2! Brie gets a Yes Lock, and reveals her thong in the process. Nikki gets to the ropes. Nikki hits a KO forearm, which is now apparently a thing. Rack Attack wins.

A WWE 2K15 ad kills some time. Network pre-show folks are here with Riley going for a super-cheap pop and a guy wears a $9.99 shirt behind Heyman. Riley says the opener could've been a match of the year contender. Heyman absolutely calling bullshit on that opener being a possible MOTYC. They throw to the tag title match, with the Usos coming out first and the Dust Bros. coming out second. Dust Bros start this out with some knee work on the formerly-injured Uso, and Goldust is called Benjamin Button. Between this and The Dark Knight joke, did Vince just get the Best of 2008 or something? Uso Crazy alternating dives set up Goldust eating a crossbody for 2 and taking two bumps for it. Damn is he amazing. Goldust has a new sweet pattern on his gear. Goldust with THE most animated cover in human history off that spinebuster. Gets 2 off it. Falling tree sell for a superkick gets 2 for the Usos. They get stereo superplexes and a dive for 2. Goldust gets a final cut after Stardust kicks the knee of the Uso and they win! Fun match, but not the best match for either team.

Komen singer ad led to her and the Komen CEO being shown. Komen CEO isn't very TV-friendly. Cole hypes up THE MALIGNANT HELL IN A CELL!? Is that really fitting after a cancer ad? I'm sure Vince found it to be hilarious or something. Orton-Cena is coming up next and it's hyped up with an incredible video package that ties it into other legendary sports rivalries. It was a bit much, but really well done. Lilian says the winner faces Barrock Lesnar. Orton's out first in grey and white. This is the 29th Hell in a Cell match since 1997 - so if you thought it was really special, that should tell you it's not.

Cena's out and they have a giant HELL IN A CELL graphic built above the structure now - in case you forgot what it was. Orton starts with kicks and punches - and good ones. They fight on the floor a bit with Orton dominating there. Orton got a chair and of course JBL called it a toy. Stream pauses for a while during a two count. Well, if I paid $55 instead of $10, that wouldn't be an issue. Stream dies on me, comes back, and then gets stuck in purgatory for a bit. Cena makes absurd faces when pressed against the cage. Maybe he's starring in an Ernest reboot. Cena gets his balls rammed into the post with a back suplex setup - and he keeps holding Cena and staring gleefully at the damage he did. Cena gets tossed into the cell and an RKO chant is explained as being due to the anti-Cena folks.

Cena slides to avoid a table shot, but an RKO hits during Cena's shoulderblock comeback and gets 2!   THAT RULED! Orton chucks him through the table in disgust. JBL talks about Orton's vivid imagination. He's got a vivid imagination - he sees chinlocks in black and white and color. 4K chinlocks are coming in 2015. He brings the step base into the ring, which usually results in goofy stuff. Protobomb on the steps sets up a fistdrop, which of course looks silly. Orton counters an AA with a Chyna-style low blow. Punt misses and Cena gets the STF...boy is there a lot of daylight for 9:25. Cena chucks the step base at Orton, who moves out of the way of the slow-moving object.

AA hits and Cena gets 2. RKO out of a second AA for 2. Cole says it's ALMOST AN INVERTED RKO. Or you know, a regular one. Second AA actually hits for 2. Cena puts Orton on the table for the legdrop, but Orton counters and sets him up seemingly for a superplex through out. Nope. SUPER RKO tease sets up a Super AA for the win. Cena stared into the crowd, which they clarify is him staring at Heyman. Heyman GLARES ANGRILY!

Show and Henry did stuff backstage. "I'm gonna beat him for you (Henry looks on angrily)" Miz and Sandow came out and Cole talked about the one hour-long pre-show I happily skipped. Love Miz-Mizdow, but I'm so glad I skipped the pre-show since they're showing clips anyway. Sheamus is out and they reference shark-jumping. Cole rattling off Happy Days characters and their relationships here in 2014! Miz gets crotched and Sandow sells it marvelously, and then takes imaginary chest clubs on the bottom rope. MIZ ACCIDENTALLY PUNCHES MIZDOW! Sandow put himself on the steps when Miz was in the Finlay roll setup. JBL references voodoo and Bewitched, and the Energizer bunny. Miz gets 2 and Mizdow does the THAT WAS 3 bit. Miz gets some knees and JBL references territories. Mizdow chant breaks out and Miz eats a tilt a whirl slam. They do some goofy bullshit with cradles and distractions that are poorly-timed, Miz gets the Finale and gets 2. Miz hops into the Brogue kick and wins, so he can lose the US Title to Rusev! I don't know what this was. Commentary was God-awful and killed everything about it though. Sheamus raises Miz's hand a few times and Mizdow copies it. They do the YMCA bit in 2014. And then Sheamus kicked Miz again. Holy shitballs.

A skit airs where Brie takes horrible care of her phone by throwing it in her car, and then putting luggage on top. Also, Nikki pours her smoothie on her. Another month of this. 'MURICA FUCK YEAH time. This was an awesome video package.

Lana's out in a hot shiny pink dress. She pulls of Debra's look 1,000 times better than Debra ever could. Lana says that this match is to determine THE SUPREMACY OF THE WORLD! Show starts this off quickly with tons of body shots in the corner. Rusev counters with some leg work and Show gets the leg lift spot to escape. RUSEV SUPLEXES SHOW WITH EASE! Lana claps with great joy. Show is nearly put in the Accolade, but COUNTERS INTO THE HAAS OF PAIN. Well, that sure wasn't expected. Show's punch is teased, but leads to shoulder blocks and an Ole chant. Spear hits Rusev. Henry's out and Show hits a CHOKESLAM FOR AMERICA and gets 2. Rusev superkicks Show, then Henry, then Show again. Accolade is on and that's it for Show. If JBL's so tired of this, can't he just manage someone so they can beat him?  .

Awesome Survivor Series ad airs showcasing Paige, Ambrose, and Cena. Ambrose cuts a promo about Halloween is coming Friday and the most popular costume is the Seth Rollins - a combination of the Walking Dead's zombies and Dracula's mother. AJ-Paige is up and the stream goes all wonky. A fan yells at Paige to get some sunlight FOR ONCE! AJ gets 2 off a sunset flip. Paige does Morgan's shitty corner elbows that looked bad when a seven foot giant did them and looked worse here. Paige and AJ go for...something, but it gets turned into a side kick for 2. AJ gets a tornado DDT for 2. AJ gets a guillotine choke, but Paige turns it into a fallaway slam. They brawl on the floor and Paige gets pulled off the barricade by AJ after a fan in a Bray outfit takes some shots of her ass. She's dazed, takes AJ's finisher, and loses. AJ attacks Alicia. Okay then.

They hype up WWE Fallout with Cena after the show. To WWE's credit, they are going with what should be the final match in Seth-Ambrose. A long history package shows their past from the Shield to now with the goofy bullshit. Dean's out first with a weapon-carrying sash or somesuch. Dean's ready for war, motherfuckers!

Dean climbs up top and he's already armed with his weapons. They're going to make at least one star tonight with this. Dean climbs the cage, while Seth fills the ring with chairs. Noble and Mercury tell him to not climb up, and Seth says he'll do what he wants. And so he'll send them up! I love Noble getting a more corporate haircut. They brawl and then Seth jumps in for a Frye-Takayama bit. Mercury and Noble are in a WWE PPV event in 2014 - amazing. Noble eats a suplex on top, and they keep teasing that someone's either going off the top or through it. They brawl on the side of the cell and each man falls off of it halfway up. Wow!

They tease a non-finish here with each guy being helped. Cole says that the match itself never started due to both guys not being in the ring at the same time. Dean unstraps himself and goes to attack Seth! Dean attacks and throws Seth back in! The cage is padlocked and it's time for Hell! Seth gets up slowly while Dean sits in a chair and screams at him for turning his back on him. This is so great. Tons of chairs to the back for Dean.


Dean goes from that to using a screwdriver, but Seth avoids it - he can't avoid a dropkick into the cell ala Raw though. Dean goes for a suplex onto chairs, but Dean gets countered and eats a back suplex onto them. Seth sets up a ladder bridge, but it gets turned on him as Dean does the flying elbow through it - teased on SD. Kane blasts a fire extinguisher at Dean and blasts Seth right in the mouth with it. Dean goes through a table. CURB STOMP gets 2. Curb Stomp with the case is avoided by Dean, who misses a Dirty Deeds DDT, but hits a rebound lariat for 2. Dean gets cinder blocks and a yes chant. Dean goes for a poetic finish with a curb stomp through them, BUT CHANTING OCCURS! Bray's lantern is smoking mid-ring with a near-hologram. He hits a bodyblock, does the walk, hits the uranage and...yeah that was unexpected. Well, that didn't quite deliver what I was hoping for in any way. Sister Abigail is hit after the match.


Screens -


  1. If you want your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend to come crawling back to you on their knees (no matter why you broke up) you got to watch this video
    right away...

    (VIDEO) Want your ex CRAWLING back to you...?

  2. +$3,624 profit last week!

    Receive 5 Star verified winning picks on MLB, NHL, NBA and NFL + Anti-Vegas Smart Money Signals!!!