WWE Raw 9-29-14

Tonight's Raw should be the start of their annual Komen bullshit since they're selling the shirts now. Celebratory music played for Cena and Ambrose's stuff last week. This video is going on for a while. Steph and HHH are out - they've got one pink rope - the center rope. Cole shills the Komen deal and then loses his train of thought when the script ends and he's still on camera. A giant CM Punk chant starts when Steph grabs the mic. She handled it perfectly by saying "why do you all cheer quitters?". Cole before this said that Ambrose PIRATED THE CASE. What odd verbiage. HHH won't let anyone disrespect THE BUSINESS and now it's Heyman. He's angry over Seth trying to cash in, and Brock ordered Heyman to go to CHICAGO OF ALL PLACES and find out if it Brock has a problem that he needs to deal with involving Seth or HHH. How dare they threaten us with another Brock-HHH match. Seth's out with no case, since it was PIRATED. 8:09 and I'm already tired by this show. Seth said he acted alone with his actions. Seth told Paul he was an opportunist, like Paul, and he got a CM Punk chant before apologizing to Brock and Heyman if they were offended. Heyman gave him a pass this one time - and if it happens again, Brock will kill him. HHH raised his voice to Heyman for whatever reason. Seth cut a promo on Ambrose. It's 8:14. Good God! YAY THE LORD OF THE TITTIES HAS ARRIVED! He'll fight Seth for the case - all he has to do is come backstage. Before that can happen, Cena assaults Seth on the ramp. Okay, Steph doing "you can't see me" for Seth ruled.

A WWE Komen ad aired. The Authority met with Noble and Mercury to attack Ambrose. Noble wanted SLEDGEHAMMERS! Noble is still fantastic. IC 3-Way is up. Cole said that Miz should be ashamed for winning by pulling the tights, but Dolph dong it is okay because it was done to him first. Um, shouldn't faces hold themselves to a higher standard than heels? JBL buried Miz's Twitition. I'd just bury the term. They did some slingshot and cradle spots before a break. More cradle combos and exchanges set up a Dolph neckbreaker/DDT to the guys. VINTAGE NOVA! Figure 4 led to Miz being shoved into a Cesaro uppercut that the camera missed. Miz's testicles took a pounding and he ate a horrible figure four from Dolph. Cesaro double stomps Dolph to end that. Miz got the corner lariat on Cesaro after his corner uppercut missed. Miz jumps into an uppercut, and then Cesaro eats a superkick from Dolph, who pins Miz. This was pretty fun. Dolph celebrates. LOL at the fan in the Punk outfit! Miz and Mizdow sold the knee. Nobles and Mercury asked the rosebuds about Ambrose, Big E was told to not answer the question by Woods, and Khali did comedy.

ONCE AGAIN, IT'S THE THIRD STRAIGHT YEAR FOR THE KOMEN THING! And once again, they go through every single thing they do that shows you why they're so great...err...how WWE is helping fight breast cancer. Wyatt/Harper video aired - "YOU'RE DOOMED!" Noble and Mercury told them they failed, and Steph busted Noble's balls for having mustard on his face. Mizdow met with the Authority about how angry he is that he didn't get a one on one match. HHH chuckled. They're here to entertain him, and Mizdow faces Sheamus. And he then buried Miz for being a straight to DVD actor. WHAT EXACTLY IS THIS!? Is Miz going to get his revenge on Ray Bradstone?

Total Divas clips about Tyson and Nattie having issues. I'm missing nothing by not watching the show. This of course sets up Layla-Rosa, with Nattie and Tyson arguing. Tyson fucks off with this by playing games on his phone with his giant head cans. Rosa is out of position for walking. Oh my. Summer and Nattie brawl. Layout neckbreaker wins. This was dreadful, and JBL sums it up by saying "It's over, thank God!" Ambrose is backstage. Wasn't he there before?

Dean came out with Seth's case. It's full of STOLEN MECHANDISE, and since Dean admits to just taking it, he gives it away. His mannerisms are just wonderful. Goons are out and Dean leaves through the people to get Seth in the ring with the case. Seth opens it and bright green paint from the DX collection sprays him in the face. JBL references Kabuki's mist. A MASSIVE Ambrose chant breaks out. Wacky Authority meeting. They mocked Seth, he left to get the paint out of his eyes, and a vibration sound was heard. Everyone checked their phone until they did a long pan to Steph...and it was the case. IT WAS AN ELECTRIC RAZOR. Shocked they didn't reveal a pink vibrator to support breast cancer awareness. This was a fine payoff for Seth saying he had PERSONAL ITEMS in the case.

Henry cut a promo for a sentence before Bo came out. HENRY WHOOPS THAT ASS, but eats a Bodog! BO WINS! Renee interviews Bo, who gets his ass kicked by Henry. So Henry is still a bad motherfucker and you know this. They plugged the Network, the MNW show, and a 15 Years of SD...thing. Tag title recap. Stardust is still an annoying motherfucker. Goldust was tired of the bullshit and destroyed their props. Brie Brie Brie Mode is out and Cole once again plugged the Komen stuff. BRIE'S THEME KEPT PLAYING DURING THE BREAK?! Any reports of mass suicides in Chicago? Nikki's out to not wrestle. Instead, she's cutting a dreadful promo that further buries Bryan six feet under. Cameron and Eva are facing Brie. Wasn't Eva a face? Eva can't work a lick, but she's got a five star ass on her. Eva dominated Brie and Cameron comes in and gets 2 off a suplex. Big JBL chant breaks out. One for King happens, and then Cole gets one, and then Brie cradles Cameron and won. Brie got a yes chant going. Guarantee they give this song to Bryan when he comes back. Titus did an awesome tribute to his late grandmother.

Rose is out. He can fuck right off with Stardust. Slater Gator are out with a Mini Gator in Hornswoggle against the Matadores. Titus meets with FORMER RAW GUEST HOST Jesse Jackson. Gator and the bull did comedy, and Slater won by pulling a matador off the ropes. Titus hits an amazing impact to the bull! Mini gator did the gator roll, and the bunny hopped. And then Cole said that Jesse Jackson finally shut up. How very odd since he said zero words on this show. Ugh. That was indeed stuff. $9.99 ad. Henry-Bo II on Main Event. WOW, A REMATCH OF A 2 MINUTE MATCH!

Rusev's out. Clips of the Show-Rusev match from SD with the KO. Lana said words. Show came out to say words. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! was good. Show cued up a Show-Henry recap from Main Event. RUSEV SPOKE! "I WILL KICK YOU IN YOUR GROIN!" Then Show quoted Big Lebowski and said it was time to knock down a white Russian! Since the flag was already down, Show was mid-ring and TORE IT DOWN! Rusev ran in and got tossed right out. This ruled. Recap of tonight's case drama. Cena talked about loving Chicago and THE MAN WHOSE NAME THEY'VE BEEN CHANTING ALL NIGHT - AMBROSE! It of course led to a Punk chant. He asked Dean if he had anything to add, and he just calmly said nah - but after their match, Seth's ass is his. Cena said Seth was his, and Dean told him no takes food off his plate - not even him. Dean is so great and if they do this right, they'll wind up with three main event-level acts out of the Shield's breakup.

AJ came out and they plugged the tag match tonight. Paige's ass cut a promo on her. Alicia's facing AJ. Remember when Alicia was a huge deal for two weeks? AJ dove onto Alicia and Paige on the floor - it could've gone worse. Paige attacks AJ when she's nearly brought in, and it gives Alicia the win. This heel beatdown is brought to you by MTN DEW! Harper video airs again. Sheamus came out for a match with Mizdow. Miz is on commentary. They joked about the Fappening and JBL threatening to release nude photos of himself. Mizdow ate the Brogue kick and lost, after Sheamus clubbered him, mocked the moneymaker, and tossed him into Miz on the floor. King recited lines about Hogan, who is next.

Hogan came out in pink, why? Because as Cole said WWE HAS JOINED FORCES WITH THE SUSAN G. KOMEN CORPORATION FOR THE THIRD STRAIGHT YEAR. Already sick of the breast cancer awareness stuff and it's not even October. Hogan reiterated that it's in fact THE THIRD YEAR THAT WWE HAS TEAMED WITH SUSAN G KOMEN! Is there anyone on planet Earth who can't see through this shit? BUY THE GEAR AND FIGHT THE FIGHT! If you buy WWE merchandise, not only will the quarter look better, BUT YOU'LL BE FIGHTING CANCER. IF YOU HATE CANCER, BUY WWE MERCH! Kane and Orton bitched about Seth, and Steph told them to do their jobs. She stirred the pot by saying THE FANS SAID THINGS ABOUT THEM. They're heels - why would they care what the fans think? Cole shilled the Austin episode of MNW.

Roman Reigns interview next week, and Show faces Rusev too. Faces came out, then the heels, and Kane avoided an AA for a break.Cena eats a snap powerslam after the break. This match is so exciting we get multiple replays of paint flying in someone's face during it. Oh thank God, an Orton chinlock will solve this problem. Ambrose comes in, dives onto Kane, rebound lariats Orton and hits Dirty Deeds on Orton! But Seth attacks for a DQ. Ambrose came up way short on a dive to Kane due to his foot getting caught. It's 2-on-1, advantage babyfaces. Dean and Cena fought over who could cheapshot Seth. Dean goes to attack Seth with the case, but Orton RKOs him. Heels take control and Seth stomps Dean's head on the case. RKO to Cena! They're doing a fine job building up Cena-Orton...which we saw last week. Chokeslam to Cena. Cena eats the stomp on the case too. This will be fine in highlights, but like a lot of Raw, just dragged on way too long in real-time.


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Family Guy - "The Simpsons Guy" Review

The show starts off with them referencing crossovers being creative and not at all smacking of desperation. Peter becomes a newspaper comic writer, leading to a misogynistic comic pissing off the town, so they have to leave. Okay then. Some of the lines about pissing off the internet were funny, and I loved the "photo of Spider-Man" being of a chick in a thong, and Peter talking about his superhero thong shot sub-reddit. Dumb and Dumber To ad - Jeff Bridges got really old.

They stop at a gas station and their car gets stolen, leading to them FINDING SPRINGFIELD. The shots of all of Springfield's locales really shows off how iconic the buildings are, and then Homer pays for their donuts at Kwik-E-Mart since their money was in the car and he just wants to help them. This ruled. BTW, with Family Guy's games being so terrible, they should just do a GTA-style game like the Simpsons had 10 years ago - it also has a ton of well-known locations and characters, and could work well.

Bart and Stewie get along with a prank call. Moe can't seem to find "Lee Keybum", but Bart doesn't find Stewie's rape joke funny. Lisa uplifts Meg's spirits to the point of only mild depression. Brian is just disgusted by Santa's Little Helper. Homer is overjoyed by Peter's job at the brewery. Loved the Bob's Burgers cameo during a cutaway. Nelson bullies Bart, so Stewie stands up for his pal and darts him!

Peter and Homer think like a car to find it - and drink tons of gas. Next is the stolen car wash gag that was seen in ads set to "Pour Some Sugar on Me". Lou wants them to arrest every car thief in town, but he wants to watch the show. Lisa helps Meg find her muse with the sax, AND IT WORKS! She's great - but too good for Lisa to tolerate. Stewie tortures Nelson and forces him to eat his shorts. Moleman hits Peter with their car, and they go to Moe's to celebrate. Peter presents Homer with some beer and SHIT GOES DOWN. Homer doesn't like it and finds it to be a knock-off of Duff - then he rips the label off and it's just Duff with a new label. Burns's Lawyer shows up to sue Peter since he's representing the company, and there's the setup for the second half of the special.

They went to court and had cameo city with Mayor West and Quimby getting along great, and going with a gag that called back to the pilot of FG with Kool-Aid Man. Fred Flintstone finds Duff to be the winners in the case, and Brian lucks out with SLH walking up. Meg slits her wrists with Lisa's name on it...yargh. She starts ranting and Lisa tells her to lovingly shut up. Stewie reveals a kidnapped Nelson, and Bart's offended by this and all the other people he kidnapped. Bart unties Nelson and gets a punch - but a muted haw haw due to the ball gag.

Homer gets a paper and feels guilty about the brewery closing. Homer and Peter fight and Peter is offended by the choking and calls him out for being a horrible father. The first masturbation joke in the history of a Simpsons-related thing is made at Chris's expense. They fight on the bus, go through the plant and Homer attacks with Emmys! They fall into a vat of nuclear goo and become super-powered versions of themselves. They brawl INTO SPACE and meet Kang, Kodos, and Roger from American Dad. The saucer flies down INTO THE GORGE and they fall down. This is so great. They knock each other out with a single huge punch before the brawl gets even crazier with a dick bite and a saucer falling on Homer. He lives, they make up, and Comic Book Guy calls it the worst chicken fight ever. Lois says the brewery's still open since they'll never actually come here to enforce the ruling. Stewie closes the show with a chalkboard gag. This was fantastic, and greatly exceeded my expectations.


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The Simpsons - "Clown in the Dumps" Review

It's the season...26, I think, premiere and SOMEBODY GONNA GET GOT! The couch gag was cute switching Homer around to old designs, and then became a mind screw. The Krusty roast was amusing. Loved Krusty being offended that he, THE KING OF OVALTINE, would be past his prime. The act break features Krusty asking his dad if he's funny, and his dad dying. They tease issues with Homer after the funeral. There's a great bit where Krusty says he's tired of the pre-recorded kids laughter, and it has I LIKE IKE at the end. Krusty retires, and he's buried for existing by Clive Meriwether. FXX is apparently doing EVERY SIMPSONS EVER weekly. Good lord.

Homer has sleep apnea, and Krusty is binge-watching his shows thanks to Bart. Krusty has a dream where his dad tells him to change his life, and then his life will go from "eh" to worthwhile. Lisa wraps Homer up in bubble wrap, leading to him being saved when Otto's bus hits him. Krusty is taken to temple by Bart, where he sees his dad's favorite rabbi stealing his bits. Krusty's dad loved his jokes after all - he just couldn't tell him. That was sweet, and the show ends with a dedication to Louis Castellanetta - Dan's father who died at 99 last week. This was a pretty funny episode, and it was good to see the show return to a more dramatic tone since it can pull it off very well.

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WWE SD 9-26-14

This is apparently a wrestling-heavy show and lean on promos - excellent! I had a few extractions done this morning and just woke up about 20 minutes before the show. I'm on strict orders to actually relax, so it will be nice to do that while also getting some work done too. Omen II is on before SD, and boy is it ever stupid to say "give me the daggers!" in a horror movie. Damien lets his aunt kill his uncle, then burns her alive and he just don't give no fucks. Damien's got swagger. SD opens with a Raw is Ambrose recap. Miz and Mizdow are mid-ring MARCHING STERNLY! Ambrose taking Miz out on ME is recapped. Ambrose is out to face Miz, and gets a nice pop. JBL ranted about Dean being mean to Miz and how Kimmel wouldn't have that on his show and he's not all that nice. Cole says he's a friend of WWE, so JBL just gives in. Plancha double axe/hybrid takes out Miz on the floor. Mizdow distracts leading to a big boot for an ad break. Goddammit - the anti-smoking ad features a guy yanking a tooth out!

They come back and Ambrose gets a crossbody and some punches, then a suicide dive. Miz gets a flash cradle for 2! Back elbow sets up a tornado DDT for 2. Missile dropkick is caught into a figure four from Miz! Ambrose gets the rope - Miz comes off really good being a semi-serious worker in there with Ambrose. Rebound lariat from Dean. Mr. MITB and Mr. Kane came out. Miz goes for the Finale, but it's countered into Dirty Deeds for the win! Ambrose brawls for a bit with these guys, and takes the case! Stardust can continue to fuck off - thank God Goldust agrees now. Usos aren't getting their belts. Rusev faces Show tonight. IC top contender battle royal is up after a break, with a sweet close-up of the belt used to hype it.

Cesaro gets an intro in the Buncho Geeks Battle Royal, as does Swagger. Woods, Kofi, and Big E's gear looks fantastic. Xavier's got Sting's weird boots tucked into the gear look going on - doesn't work for him either. JBL puts over that Cesaro won the Andre the Giant Memorial battle royal at WM - the absolute peak of his WWE pop-wise. JBL buries the masked bullfighters and Cole says he did that as Vampiro Americano. JBL points out IT WAS PAINT AND IT WAS DIFFERENT, Cole says it's the same. He's factually incorrect. Buncha geeks are gone. Cole points out that Kofi's always a highlight in these matches, while JBL points out that he never wins. Way to put him over. CESARO PRESSES BIG E! TITUS SAVES SLATER! Big E presses Cesaro, but CESARO PRESSES HIM AGAIN AND THROWS HIM OUT!

They came back and JBL buried Tom for being boring. JBL says Tom acts like he's going to a dentist. Love Slater asking Titus why he got eliminated. Then he got eliminated! "I'M A STUNT DOUBLE, AND I'M AWESOME!" And he's ganged up on and eliminated. Kofi beat Bo on ME and eliminated him here with a fulcrum kick. Swagger bomb to Cesaro. Swagger and Kofi go for...something and Kofi just gets all fucked up in the corner. Kofi gets tossed into Swagger on the apron, and they're both out! This was a showcase for Cesaro and Kofi. Cesaro's new kneeling pose is awesome! They added another graphic to the PPV burial deal. Good lord. They really make themselves look bad saying "hey, we're not worth $55 - in fact, IF YOU'RE PAYING MORE THAN $10 FOR OUR PRODUCT, YOU'RE AN IDIOT!" Usos was delightfully wacky with Renee - their title match is next.

Usos are out followed by the champs. Big match intro leads to them talking about one NoC rematch already led to a title change, and it could happen again tonight. Uso double dive sets up a break. Usos apparently ate a beating during the break. Stardust attacked the legal Uso next to the announce table and insults Cole too. Armbar codebreaker from Goldust! JBL's really hurting this by not knowing which Uso is which, or caring. Also, Goldust now apparently debuted at WM against Piper. HEAD AND ARM TIE SUPLEX TO STARDUST FROM JIMMY USO! Goldust's flip to the floor was caught by the Usos and he eats the barricade. Nestea Plunge from Stardust is now called the Falling Star. DOOMSDAY DEVICE WITH A FLIP BUMP TO STARDUST! Superfly dive gets 1, 2...GOLDUST WITH A BELT GETS A DQ! This was really good. Ambrose brawl from earlier is recapped. Kane and Seth argued. Seth wants his case back in the exact...heavily-damaged condition it was taken from him in, or else the cinder blocks will seem like child's play. Okay then.

Edge hyped up Haven. It's so good to see him finding success in another field. Nattie-Summer brawl from Total Divas re-re-re-aired. Summer Lay faces Nattie and Rosa. Cole called Tyson Kidd TJ. Summer and Nattie did stuff for a bit. JBL and Cole buried social medicine. JBL said that if Rosa comes in, the building will explode. Pinpoint basement dropkick from Layla to Nattie, while Summer hit a running...kick of sorts to the face. Nattie tries to slam her way out of a guillotine choke. "THE PLACE JUST ERUPTED!" with a canned pop. Cole dared to call her Latina Heat. Layla won with a dreadful schoolgirl with Rosa's shoulder up half the time. Thank God it's over - this was really bad. Henry recap from ME aired. Show talks about he and Henry having a strong bond - not sure how or why though. Show swore to knock Rusev's ass out. Reigns recap is coming after the break.

Same thing as always there. Cesaro-Dolph's up with Cesaro out first. Cole talks about how if Cesaro wins, there will have been three IC Champions since Sunday. JBL puts over the parity of this and how much it proves titles are important. Heartstopper elbows get 1. Cesaro takes him out on the floor. Cesaro lift from the floor to the ring. Big double stomp gets 1. Inverted camel clutch/armbar is locked on by Cesaro - that's unique. Cesaro gets an abdominal stretch and USES THE ROPES. Announcers don't care about that at all. Cole dreams about Cesaro-Finlay. Oh my that would've ruled. Elbow off the second rope from Cesaro! Fameasser is turned into a powerbomb setup, then a sunset flip, which gets the win, but Cesaro's got the rope clearly. Cole buries the ref for that. They went from the finish, to two replays, to Cesaro being upset, to the ref arguing with him, to Cole and JBL talking about it more within the span of about a minute. This was a good finish to keep things going, but they rushed the follow-up horribly. Lana insulted Renee for not knowing Russian, so she translated to the weak English language. Rusev-Show main event is next.

Florida Georgia Line plug. Rusev's out followed by Show. SHOW GETS A SUNSET FLIP FOR 2! Show chops him in the corner and shocks his system something fierce. Rusev clips the knee for the running bus spot. Rusev elbows the knee from behind and in front. Show gets 2 off a sideslam. Calf kick from Rusev gets 2. Chokeslam to Rusev! Lana is brought in, and Rusev attacks Show with the flag, so he loses via DQ. He's now UNPINNED AND UNTAPPED OUT! Show catches the foot and EATS THE KO PUNCH! This was a solid buildup for Rusev-Show in a bigger match, and was one of Rusev's better matches so far.

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WWE NXT 9-25-14

Mojo runs out to start the show in a rematch with Bull. They brawled outside for a bit and Mojo hit some Velvet-level knees to the gut in the corner. Flying headbutts wins again for Bull. Renee got in a great line after Albert said that Bull's face is only one a mother could love, and she thought a mother would be scared. Tyler came down and was touched by Mojo, so he rammed him into the post. Poor Mojo. A Sin City-stylized hype video aired for Baron Corbin. They're going for some kind of emo biker character...I think. Good vid. Gabriel's new black, silver, and white gear would be really hard to make in FPR - although I think Tiger Mask's stuff could be a fine base. Tyler's legs look so skinny in this dark blue gear. Kneeling flatliner from Gabriel! STO sets up the springboard moonsault for 2. 450 is rolled out of, leading Gabriel to eat a supermodel kick and the Beauty Shot for the win!

Regal asked a PA to get a spot of white tea and some palleo treats for him. Nattie asked for another shot for Tyson, BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW. Regal points out that HE WAS PINNED, but gives in for no real reason beyond it being his last chance. If he can't beat Neville, he can never face Neville again for the title - so Kidd beats the guy Adrian loses it to then. Ascension-Lucha Dragons is hyped up as the main event. Bayley faces Bliss next. Bliss comes out followed by IT'S BAYLEY. Jason Albert loves her theme and is so sad she didn't see him dancing! Bayley better keep the inflatable tube men if she gets to the main roster. Love her using little props to give to fans - adds a connection to her, and it costs nothing. Alexa gets 2 off a sunset flip. Flying spinning headscissors from Bliss. They high five! They botched a wonky small package thing. Standing moonsault is avoided, and an awful Bayley-to-Belly hits. Bliss barely left her feet for it. Someone drove 900 miles for Bayley. Wow. Bayley calls Charlotte out, and she wants another shot. Charlotte told her she gained her respect, but the second verse will be the same as the verse - she'll see her soon, kid! This ruled.

ENZO HAS A WU-TANG SHIRT ON IN 20141 Carmella demands to know why she's not in the ring right now. Enzo tells her she's hairdresser hot, but not diva hot, and that if you treat women like dirt, they'll stick like mud. Babyface. Cass tells him to not say that, Carmella shows off her body, and Enzo takes a bump off the exercise equipment - this ruled too. The Legeionaires and...their '70s porno theme hit. Louis's doing the wig deal, which Albert already gives away as being fake. Sing Along With the Guido time. They talked about pie for a bit, and math. They talk about Enzo's hair costing $500 a month, and Albert says he can do it for half that! Albert gives Louis advice - always use shaving cream, and use suntan lotion too - especially if you have a giant head like him. Louis's headgear comes off, he's shocked, and loses via schoolboy with the tights. Babyface. Kidd talks about Nattie's heart being in the right place, but he doesn't need her to get a shot for him - HE WANTS ALL THE POWER THE NXT TITLE POSSESSES! Kidd says he's beaten Neville in every match Neville's lost this year, and he's the next champ - FACT! Tag title match is next.

Zayn promo on the Kidd-Neville match. Both men are desperate, and he's gunning for the title. Lucha Dragons are out to Kalisto's theme, which isn't anywhere near as good as the Sin Cara theme. The in-shape member of the Ascension attacked Kalisto to start. Albert says the Dragons' offense is like a video game - X, X, SQUARE! Headlock gator roll from the fatter Ascension dude looks bizarre and only gets 2. Okay, so Konnor's the fat one and Viktor's in-shape, and comes in with a punch to the gut. Scoop slam gets 2. Chinlock. Bodyscissors. Woa boy is their offense just not good. They're doing way too many things they're not good at. The Road Warrior's didn't do MOVEZ - they just beat the shit out of dudes with power. Viktor gets a European uppercut and 2 for it. Sin Cara flips around to get the lead after a hot tag. Kalisto's back in, but Itami comes out! SDS hits and gets the win! Itami kicks the fuck out of Konnor on the ramp. Okay shot - but nothing essential tonight. The Enzo skit was probably the best overall thing, and maybe character-wise, having Zayn view Neville as desperate as Kidd.

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TNA Impact 9-24-14

The pre-show Cops features a guy being arrested for bringing cocaine into the country. ROBBIE E IS IN A 5-MAN TOURNAMENT FOR THE WORLD TITLE. 1 - Why is he in this? 2 - Since when do tournaments not have an even number of competitors? Roode-Lashley recap made that come off like a pretty great match - didn't show the over the top AA though. JB looks so fat right now, and his explanation of this NYC Gold Rush thing makes very little sense. Everyone faces...someone, and I don't think they face each other, but I don't know. An MVP hype video airs making him seem like a threat, which is impressive given how little he's worked in TNA. He starts the show in a match saying THERE AIN'T A BADDER MAN IN THE RING. Dun Dun Dun... It's MVP vs. Low Ki in a BATTLE OF THE BODY SUITS! Well, this should be MVP's best match in TNA by far. Ki cuts a damn good promo in this video talking up the X Title and how if you hold that title, you'd better be good enough to be worthy of that championship and the men who have held it before you.

Within MINUTE ONE they already have a better match than MVP has had so far by focusing on matwork. MVP gives a clean break until he elbows him right in the face - nice. Ki gets his kangaroo kick out of the corner, but MVP pulls him off the top and rains down some punches. Ki avoids the player kick and hits a corner forearm before eating some chops. MVP eats them with some strong style selling, undoes the top and tells him to bring it on. Now this is a good thing we never saw from MVP in WWE because it shows that he IS a competitor, and that's something you can use for a face turn down the line. He gets the edge with a spinning lariat, which I don't recall him doing before. Players kick sends Ki to the floor.

MVP's cross chop sets up the facebuster and BALLIN ELBOW! MVP mocks Low-Ki's poses. LOW KI COMES BACK BY HOPPING OFF OF MVP'S SHOULDERS AND MULE KICKING HIS BACK! This got a "that was cool!" chant, and it was! Buzzsaw kick gets 2! I'm definitely having this match in FPR later. Ki kicks MVP to the floor. DIVING SPRINGBOARD MISAWA ELBOW TO THE FLOOR! It gets "that was awesome!". MVP blocks the Krusher again, but eats a front Kawada kick. MVP avoids a koppo kick and gets the drive by for the win! THIS RULED! Robbie E chatted with the Bro Mans about being on the Amazing Race with Brooke and dating Velvet too...BUT KEEP IT A SECRET. Jessie tells him hey bro, I'M A REALITY TV STAR BRO, and cameras are everywhere on reality shows and right...over here...and then Robbie jets. This was so much funnier in execution than in theory. Ladder match 3-way highlights are coming up.

They had a really heartfelt tribute to Eric the Actor showing photos of him at an '02 show and then at a newer one with the Bro Mans backstage. This was really sweet, and didn't come off as something they wanted to do for publicity like with WWE's tribute. They had a really good highlight reel for the ladder match, but it was a bit too fast-paced. The orangest version of Robbie E ever came out. He cut a hilarious promo about being tougher than anyone in the world, bringing Tajiri out. Tajiri somehow looks a bit younger facially and doesn't have as much of a gut as his last appearance. Tajiri gets a minor lead and a "you still got it" chant, so Robbie E hits a super Hart Attack and yells I STILL GOT IT! Tajiri eats a DDT, but the ref goes down, so Tajiri mists Robbie, kicks him, and wins! Spud's asked about problems with EC3 - he says clearly the man just heard them on THE INTERNET!

Spud was very sad after talking to EC3. Poor Spud and his blue and flowery suit. Aries is out and Tenay says that Aries could realistically go for any title since he's held them all. Taz rightfully points out that he should go for the World title since he's won all three. Menagerie's out. Steve honks a horn now. Rebel's ass accompanied the group, and Aries checked her out as she entered the ring. KNUX DID A HANDSTAND, so Aries did a cartwheel. Taz invites Rebel to do that on the announce table. KNUX ROLLS THROUGH AND NIPS UP OUT OF AN ARM WRINGER! Dude's still got some agility! Crowd chants JUMP JUMP JUMP and Aries claps for him too. Knux booted Aries in the...face-ish area ideally to nix the suicide dive. KNUX HIT A DROPKICK! Aries mixed middle round kicks with forearms to wear him down. Hamstring kick sets up an ear clap. Aries dives, but Knux moves, so he hits the Freak and then Knux hot shots him on the apron. Sideslam gets 2, setting up an Avalanche and flying bear for 2. Aries counters a Sky High finish with a rana sending him into the buckle. Corner dropkick! Brainbuster doesn't work, so he hits some rolling elbows and the dropkick and gets the DELAYED BRAINBUSTER! This over-delivered, and was just about perfect for what it needed to be - Knux hasn't looked this good in TNA yet, and showed more agility here than he ever did in WWE. MVP, Tajiri, and Aries are in the Gold Rush so far. Roode-Lashley recap with exclusive footage airs next. Magnus's Gold Rush match is next.

He'll be facing Anderson, who gets interactive with the fans for his intro. Magnus does the Finlay spot with the ring skirt punches. Anderson wins a mid-ring punch exchange. Finlay roll gets 2. Mark of Excellence hits for 2 - would've been 3, but Ken gets a foot on the ropes. Anderson avoids it again, Mic check hits and gets the win! Abyss's match is next, while a Gail-HAVOK preview is coming as well. 20 seconds of a KO calendar cheesecake video airs.

Team 3D highlight video showed their history from ECW to now. It was a great setup for their HOF induction. They recapped the Gold Rush matches so far. Havok-Gail video made Havok seem like a killer, and Gail said she wouldn't quit. Abyss is out and his match is next. Well, that all killed some time. Abyss is out to face Shaw. Tenay recaps his issues with Christy. They do a bunch of nothing until a chokeslam. Shaw used a chair and the ref didn't see it. He ate the Black Hole Slam and...yeah, this was a thing. I liked Abyss's absence being explained by the monster's ball with Bram since it makes a match like that at least seem special in theory. Gold Rush is next.

Everyone got full intros to kill time. Taz said Tajiri's song is one of his favorites, Tenay called it a chart-topper, and Taz sang it. Okay then. It's a 5-way match with guys tagging in and out. This is theoretically very odd, but it makes sense since you can rest like a tag match and also forcibly tag in when things look like they're going your way. They talked about Tajiri might go for the X Title or pick Aries as his partner again to go after the tag titles, while Aries probably wouldn't do that and go for a singles title. This nicely set up their sequence, which was a friendly rivalry deal. Anderson comes in and gets some backbreakers, but Abyss comes in and eats some forearms. MVP forces his way in against Abyss. Tajiri kicks away at Abyss. Misty water to the face of Abyss during a chokeslam. Anderson comes in with a neckbreaker. Everyone does shit, MVP and Aries come in, MVP's drive by is countered into a jackknife pin and Aries becomes the "toughest man in NYC" with a rollup. Okay then. The first half of the show was largely good, but hour 2 wasn't so hot.

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WWE Main Event 9-23-14

Adam Rose and the Bunny are out to...do commentary. SLATER GATOR has a new theme and tron - the B-roll tron is hilarious. It's Heath and Titus making wacky faces in front of a fancy car. After some annoying commentary, the Matadores won with a flying cross body off the top. The bunny and the bull were wacky afterwards - that was great. Cole did a dance and SANG. Oh lord. MARK HENRY'S OUT IN A SUIT! Show, his most recent buddy, his "brother from another mother" is out. Show shared a story about Henry eating his cookies and milk, cuz he loves him. Show says if you want to boo Henry, you can boo him, and Show says on SD, he'll whoop Rusev! This was great - they teased a turn, damn near did it, but held off. You can see where things are going, and that's great. Roman recap led to a Brock-Cena one.

AJ's out to do commentary for a Paige match - Paige-Naomi. Naomi did some mat wrestling wackiness to Paige to get the edge. Naomi rubbed her asshole into Paige's face, then did Evan Bourne's double knee thing for 2. Paige got her knees on the apron. Running rana set up a headscissors rana from Naomi - she's very good at doing moves given her inexperienced. Paige won with a weak cradle and the ropes, used horribly, to win and then AJ bonked her with the belt from behind. Dean-Rollins Raw recap. Usos cut a wacky promo showing that they can be a fountain of charisma. Bo's backstage and Kofi's out to face him. Bo said that he was glad to see Kofi since he wasn't sure he still worked here! Ha! Kofi gets 2 off a crossbody off the top. Kofi gets his kick and wins! Miz TV is next.

Miz reciting his promo with Mizdow saying everything again silent a second later ruled. Miz asked him what anti-psychotic drugs they put him on. Dean says a normal person doesn't get up from what happened to him - BUT HE AIN'T NORMAL. HE MAY GO DOWN, BUT HE DON'T STAY DOWN AND THE AUTHORITY HAS PICKED A FIGHT THEY CAN'T WIN! Miz asked IF HE BLEW UP THE ROOM! "It's simple - there was a backdoor." This works for me. Miz yelled at Ambrose about him being robbed. Ambrose takes them both out! He picks up Miz's limp form, puts it in the chair, puts shades on him, puts the mic on his chest and wraps Miz's hand around it before signing off. Ambrose is amazing.


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Raw 9-22-14

The opening recap did a mix of stills and video from the NOC match, focusing on the AAs and feigned cash-in. Cena's new gear looks really easy to replicate in FPR. Dean comes out while a fan holds up a MOX EXPLICIT VIOLENCE sign and Dean says I'M NOT DEAD! Jon Moxley is starting off Raw by DEMANDING THAT CLIPS OF HIM GETTING KILLED air just for him - because he likes replaying it in his mind. What an awesome man. Cena came out seconds into Dean's sit-in with his full getup on, but BLACK SHORTS CUZ HE'S MAD. Cena bitched about stuff. Cena's horrible promo work stands out more after hearing Ambrose's subdued work. The Authority came out, furthering this whole feeling of Ambrose being the only sane man in this universe. Dean and Seth brawled. MICHAEL COLE'S SUIT! Holy shit. Black with white checker trim. More brawling. LOOKITLOOKITLOOKITLOOKITLOOKITLOOKITLOOKIT! Seth stole a car and Dean got in the back for a second and was thrown out of it taking a hard bump on the concrete - that could've gone badly. This was really good stuff overall.

Opening recap and we're getting Cena-Orton. Miz and Mizdow are out - Mizdow has a replica IC belt - nice touch. Shitty replica though. Dolph's out with no stunt double. Dolph chose to cash in his rematch quickly, and with no help - nice to see him be a face with that. They did some basic stuff until Miz did an apron neckbreaker for an ad break. Miz dominated after the break with the corner clothesline, but he ate a perfect dropkick to counter a double sledge. Dolph gets a Stinger splash and a neckbreaker. Dolph counters the back/neckbreaker into the jumping DDT for 2. This is several billion times better than the PPV match. Dolph jumped off the second rope into a figure four setup. LOL @ Sandow doing the figure four motions on the floor. Dolph counters the running boot with a schoolboy for 2, and a fameasser for 2.5. Dolph superkicks Mizdow, leading to the same finish as last night BUT DOLPH COUNTERED WITH THE TIGHTS AND WON! It was poetic justice. This was so much better than the PPV match. According to King, "He who pulls last pulls best!" This feud has really helped everyone involved, and it's amazing that happened given how flawed it's been at times.

Bo's out to face Swagger again. They do stuff until an electric chair drop into an ankle lock. This was a match. Loved Zeb doing WE BOLIEVE...that you tapped out with his voice cracking. Dutch gets another highlight in Memphis! Eric the Actor gets a tribute - nothing for Michael Moody. Summer Lay's out to face Nattie and Rosa. So Summer's a heel this week. Summer did a "spinning leg kick" according to King, and they buried her for retweeting her own tweets. They badly-timed the spinning clothesline with tons of light being shown. Summer takes the sharpshooter and Nattie wins. Okay then.

Opening recap...with Superstars graphics. Okay then.  Dean's out to face Kane in the hour 1 main event. They did moves for a bit, but Dean got Dirty Deeds and Seth jumps Dean! He takes him out for a bit, runs, stands on the ramp and Dean...doesn't go after him and instead chooses to toss chairs out of the ring. That's a bit weird. Seth, Kane, and HHH had a chat until DEAN JUMPED THEM! HHH wanted them to toss Dean out, but Steph said that never works - THROW HIM IN A ROOM! I demand a skit with Dean sneaking through an air duct.

Sheamus and the Usos are out for a 6-man tag. Cole paid tribute to Connor - there's going to be an auction with some hand-signed Steph gear from Summerslam. Gold and Stardust came out with the belts - Goldust wears his around his waist, while Stardust has his over his shoulder and chest like a bandoleer. Cesaro hopped up on the apron and got no intro. Nothing here is bad, but the crowd is dead. Big hopping headbutt by an Uso gets 2. JBL buries Dusty for being old, and then calls the Outlaws old too. Clubbering time - Cole referenced beam me up, Scotty in 2014. Cesaro takes Sheamus out on the floor AND TAKES A BOW! Goldust gets the Finial Cut on an Uso, but Sheamus saves. Samoan Superkick Party sets up a dive and a win for the good guys! This wasn't bad, but it was lacking compared to either of the PPV matches involving these guys.

Orton did a little weightband exercise, while Seth told him that he appreciated Orton facing Cena tonight. Seth MAY have a surprise for him at ringside, and he and Kane will watch the match at ringside. So we'll get a last-second save of Cena by Dean during a cinder block spot tonight. Henry's upset backstage and he'll come out next. 2K15 next generation ad is a good one, minus "Bawitdaba." Henry's out and they recap his loss. Henry said that tonight, the fans can make fun of him as a response to the what chants - nice way to fit things into the story. LANA'S OUT IN WHITE. Holy Hell! Lana faking a hillbilly accent while doing a Russian one is impressive. We're getting a Henry-Rusev match tonight!

Miz TV has Ambrose on it tomorrow night. How very odd. They do stuff for a bit before Henry tosses Rusev into the steps! Vader bomb attempt leads to Rusev pulling him down and STOMPING THE MAT! Henry takes the Accolade and passes out, which is a perfect finish for his character. It looks like they realized the tapout hurt him, so they did this. With the medal gimmick, they really should bring in Kurt to face Rusev at WM. Night of the Living Ambrose recap. Adam Rose and the Bunny wrestle next. Bunny-Slater/Gator recap, so I guess that's who they're facing.

JBL points out that it's odd for a bunny to get a wrestling license. They mentioned this only being slightly odd in Memphis, and Lance Russell got a plug! Love Lance Russell getting some love here - he really should commentate a match here. What the hell, why not - give him ONE MATCH as a commentator for WWE. Titus comes in and just tosses Rose around like it's nothing. Bunny got the tag, came in with a flying karate kick, a missile dropkick, and then did a jumping spin kick before tagging Rose in for the Party Foul. This was goofy and fun. They begged people to do #bunnymania.

Now we get WWE burying THEIR OWN CUSTOMERS in graph form. Nikki cuts a promo on Brie. The worst part about this is it could lead to Brie coming out to respond. Nikki demanded Brie come out - so she is the heel. Brie came out from '94 with a flannel shirt as a skirt. Nikki and Brie talked over each other to ensure they memorized the script. Nikki said Brie is an embarrassment to THE BELLA NAME. Why? It's not their real name. Nikki insulted the ugly, broken-down troll. Wow. AJ's out because she's facing Nikki, which we're just now learning about.

FS1 ad...hmm...I wonder if TNA has a chance with them. TNA does actually pull in better ratings than UFC now. Paige is out on commentary, saying that AJ's not her friend for taking her title. AJ got 2 off of rolling neckbreakers. Nikki did a weird move where she pushed AJ's stomach into the ropes, then rubbed her ass into AJ's to damage her stomach. Okay then. Swinging sleeper from Nikki. Nikki gets the cross armbreaker after doing the ass on the shoulder armbreaker thing. AJ sits up top for a century before Nikki gets into position for the Black Widow.

SmackDown 15 is coming in October. Usos-Dust Bros rematch on SD. They showed the covered up cinder blocks. Or it's Dean in a box. Heels are out followed by Cena in a dark blue Keep Calm and Never Give Up. They did moves. Went to a break. Orton got 2 off a clothesline. Kings says the box is bigger than the first one. DUN DUN DUN. Cena eats a back suplex on the announce table, here in a nothing TV match. Draping DDT off the top gets 2 for Orton. Cena counters the RKO and locks on the STF, before a Rollins DQ. Cena tried to defy the odds, but he ate a kick and chokeslam. Kane undid the box, revealing AMBROSE! "C'MERE YA SON OF A BITCH!" Dean rules. Ambrose dives on the pile! A Titty Master sign just made TV. AA to Kane, and Seth leaves. Dean is ready for the main event mix, unlike Roman, and the fans want it too.

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WWE Night of Champions 2014

Big Show is on the pre-show panel, so I guess we're not getting Show-Wyatt despite it being kinda built up. I liked the IC Title history bit - like with the U.S. Title one done later, it took up next to no time, but made the secondary title matches seem important. It's amazing how little effort and time it takes to make a secondary title match seem important. They also did this for the tag titles, and there's no reason to avoid doing this on TV. BOOKDUST REUNION! Loving the flaming gold paint on Goldust here. Stardust came in and just sucked all the life out of this. Stardust found a way to kill BookDust. FUCK THIS GIMMICK. AN AWESOME HYPE VIDEO FOR PAIGE AIRED. She has dominated every diva. So glad to see them hyped up the secondary title matches now, half an hour before the PPV. I love Paige being disgusted by Nikki's actions, and saying it's not a Total Divas episode, but she'll get a big dose of reality - THE RING IS HER HOME! Why on Earth wasn't any of this video, or the quick title history montages that literally took second on ONE TV SHOW BEFORE THE PPV!? Between them all, you're looking at maybe 5 total minutes of airtime used up. Loved AJ's line about Nikki barking, and her biting.

Roman Reigns surgery recap, complete with Tweets! Tom Phillips did a $9.99 soundboard plug with Riley. Riley talked about having a hernia, and Roman's being much worse with small intestine tissue poking through. Show calls Roman a Raw Dog, which I like as a moniker for him. Brock-Cena hype. Christian, who is nearing retirement due to injuries, was called a young man by both Cole and King. Commentary table now has the WWE Network on it. Christian looks better here than he did on one of the NXT panels, where he just looked old. Jericho might be more pale than Sheamus right now. Jericho and Christian did wacky comedy about their short-lived tag team name for TWELVE YEARS AGO. They debated about the team name, FROM 12 YEARS AGO. Christ, a promo about their short-lived tag team from 12 years ago. Vitamin C vs. The Sexy Beasts. Jericho-Orton recap. "Sorry Chris, IT'S THE SEASON PREMIERE!" What a ridiculous thing to start a feud with on every level. They've talked about a punt from years ago - SHOW THAT. Now Orton's here to add life, and he's referencing Terrance and Phillip. He said that Christian is out of action due to what he did, and that's why he can't compete, because of what he did. Jericho redid his bad snake puns from SD word for word. This was so so so bad. Show's up, so they aired the same Cena-Brock video twice.

PPV got going at 8:01 after a lot of Main Event and Raw stuff. The opening hype video showed the creation of the WWE Title in various forms, with clips showing historic champions. It's so very odd that on THE NIGHT OF THE SHOW, that aspect of things matters. Marked out for all the championship porn here. Usos have black as their main color, with white, yellow, and purple thrown about. It's a bit odd, but looks good together. An Uso hit a sliding D after a slam to Stardust. JBL and Cole debated over the World and WWE Tag Team titles, and Goldust POWERSLAMMED AN USO ON THE FLOOR! Cole and JBL joked about Tweets coming back to haunt people. Good back and forth between the Uso and Goldust here. Hot tag to the other Uso brings in Stardust for goofy offense. Knee work to Stardust leads to a dive to Goldust from the other one at the same time. Landing looked rough for Jimmy on the dive - hit his head right on the barricade. SAMOAN SUPERKICK PARTY. Dark Matter gets 2.9! Stardust tied him up and SLAPPED HIM WITH HIS GLOVE! Distraction schoolboy got a 2. Goldust's flip off the apron was topped with an Uso dive. Knees up for the dive gets a schoolboy win for the second time this week. It's a real shame these belts aren't gold - copper's going to look weird with them, and the gold version graphic used for the titles looked good. This was a pretty good match, but wouldn't have been an amazing TV match or anything. Goldust is so so so so so happy for Cody here.

Byron plugged Mountain Dew, before the Zigglers came in with Mountain Dew. SHIZOW IZOFF. Hey, Truth gets a payday - good for him. US Title is up - they're redoing the title history stuff before the matches, which is good. WHY THEY DIDN'T DO THAT WITH A BILLION HOURS OF TV, I HAVE NO IDEA. "Just as a reminder to those watching on PPV, YOU'RE PAYING $55!" What a strange thing to point out. HEY, IF YOU'RE NOT PAYING $10 FOR THIS, YOU'RE A MORON. FUCK YOU FOR SPENDING $55 INSTEAD OF $10. King actually called wrestling moves for a change. Cole recited WWE Facts™. Cesaro's got new different materialed black gear from the base and the beltline portion, with white CESARO text. JBL said they were blocking everything with their faces, and name-dropped Finlay for being stiff. Sheamus got the outside-in shoulderblock, but ate an uppercut going for the one off the top while standing on the buckle. King said that Cesaro doesn't look like a Superman, but he is. What an odd way to say that a guy is deceptively strong. Chinlock from Cesaro. Big clothesline from Cesaro brought about a WE WANT WRESTLING chant. 

BACK TO BACK IRISH CURSE BACKBREAKERS from Sheamus. Cesaro ate some chest clubs, but counted midway, elbowed him, and hit a big boot on the apron! Loved that. Sheamus did an uppercut to Cesaro up top and HIT AN ICONOCLASM FOR 2. Brogue ducked into a VE Uppercut for 2.9! High knee sets up a tilt a whirl slam for 2 from Sheamus. Brogue countered into a schoolboy for 2, then he got a deadlift Tiger Driver for 2! BROGUE COUNTERED INTO THE ALPAMARE WATERSLIDE FOR THIS! These guys got things really clicking after the Iconoclasm. Cesaro slapped him a bunch for kicking out, so Sheamus countered with punches! Cesaro hits a Helluva kick, but eats a Brogue! This started off technically fine, but not exciting, and then got really good as it went on - kind of like the Takeover 4-way.

Show hyped Henry up for the Rusev match. HE'S FIGHTIN' FOR 'MERICA! Show gave him a singlet with the American flag colors and flag on it. And he's got a new rally towel! This ruled! Florida Georgia Line are out...for some reason. Cole said this was ONE OF THE BIGGEST PARTS OF NIGHT OF CHAMPIONS. This thing that wasn't announced. They're doing Tribute to the Troops, or "we're doing the honor the troops thing" as they said. Wow. IC Title is up. We were invited to check out WWE Slam City, which JBL groaned out. King told the singers that if someone goes outside, they throw them back in. Oh God I hope he just said that and the guys have NO CLUE WHO THEY ARE, so they just take them down. They talked about Dale Jr and Brad Pitt for some reason. I think one of them just gave away that Dolph's losing. This is a perfectly fine match, but the premise is killing it, and each word the commentators say puts another scoop of dirt on the grave. JBL explained the Spanish announce team joke in case the country guys got scared, or ever took things seriously for one second. Mizdow got pushed by the glam country guys. Dolph superkick gets 2. THE FUCKING HAIR ON...well, both of them really, but that pompadour is just ridiculous. Miz gets a figure four. Miz wins with a distraction O'Connor roll, which isn't any better than a distraction schoolboy, and Dolph does a moon spot with Miz pulling the trunks. THIS WAS HISTORY BEING MADE. Yikes.

Reigns recap. Seth's out and King IMMEDIATELY SAYS SETH COULD CASH IN TONIGHT! Seth's out to just talk. God no please. Seth should take credit for this with the buckle bomb. Loved him saying that emergency surgery wasn't an excuse to avoid showing up in Memphis. Seth wins by forfeit. Many words set up an open challenge. Ambrose came in via a cab, because he's a man goddammit! Dean got a massive pop for a double-leg and punches. JBL pointed out that Dean didn't pay his cabfare. Authority brought out goons, Dean beat them up, dove onto the stage and avoided them to keep fighting! Ambrose is so the man - I'd have made this a case match, give Dean the case and the title tonight. It's time. HALF A DOZEN MEN TOOK DEAN DOWN! A GODDAMN MOUNTAIN DEW AD AFTER THAT GREATNESS! Well, it definitely brought me down. This was a main event star-making bit for Dean. Panel talking.

Henry's out in his new awesome singlet. Lilian sang the national anthem, which had Henry in tears. Loving everything about this match's buildup so far. Lana in all-black to mourn America's demise here. THEY START WITH CLUBBERIN! Henry gets a lead, so Rusev stalls. Cole said the medal was given to Rusev by Putin. No, it was on Raw. Okay. A CHINLOCK WAS NOT THE WAY TO RETAIN THE MOMENTUM THIS HAD AT THE START. Henry counters the Accolade, but can't cover after the World's Strongest Slam due to the back injury sustained from an early ram into the steps. Running thrust kick from Rusev sets up the Accolade and the win. That was...underwhelming. Cole asked who could stop Rusev, which is a good setup for Cena. The Cell PPV is next in five weeks, and I think you've got to do Seth-Dean in a cell for the case. It's the only way to have a match that LOGICALLY NEEDS THE CELL STIP and fits the timeline of things.

Jericho came out to no reaction and his FINAL MATCH IN WWE NOW was so important that they just used it to plug WM travel packages. Cole talked about the Jericho-Orton bit earlier and censored "jackass" by saying "jack" nothing, leading to JBL saying A double crooked letter. Holy Christ how lame. Orton's got black, white, and bronze gear on. Baseball slide from Jericho led to an OH SHIT from Orton getting muted. They plugged the Network a ton. Cole rattled off WWE History for centuries. Cole reminded JBL about cage matches. Superplex from Orton.  Chinlock. Mountain Dew is more important than this match. Ditto JBL's hat and papers being ruined by said Mountain Dew. Backdrop on the table sets up, of course, ANOTHER CHINLOCK! King and Cole saved their Diet Mountain Dews, thank God. NOTHING QUENCHES YOUR THIRST LIKE DIET MOUNTAIN DEW. I'm watching a parody. This has to be a joke. Jericho got the facebuster and double sledge, but eats the 3.0. Orton teased the punt by GOING TO THAT PLACE. Home Depot? Taco Bell, where they have MOUNTAIN DEW BAJA BLAST!? Jericho gets the walls after avoiding the punt. Draping DEW-DT! After a long time, Orton spun into the RKO setup. Codebreaker gets 2. After several centuries, Jericho jumped off the top into an RKO for the loss. Orton did a kneeling pose to a minor reaction.

Divas title match is up next, with the Total Divas theme playing. Paige's video from earlier airs here. Brie acted. With Byron. SOMEONE PLEASE SEND BRIE TO AN ACTING CLASS. ANY ACTING CLASS. If Brazzers has an eco-friendly one, have them do it. Jesus! Nikki's a lot like karma, they're both a bitch! Divas title history. It's now got the women's title lineage thrown in. LOLed at the tag title being used for that video. Nikki locked on the armbar since Alberto's gone. AJ rejected Paige's embrace, so she kicked her and screamed WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME before the headbutts. Hammerlock slam from Nikki - nice move, WOULD'VE BEEN SMART TO DO IT BEFORE THE ARMBAR THOUGH. Nikki was put in the Black Widow, but Paige yakuza kicked them both. Paige asked AJ if she was ready before Nikki powerbombed Paige into a suplex. Nikki gets the rack attack on Paige for 2. AJ bealed Nikki off the apron to the floor. CHRIST the thud that Nikki made there. AJ GETS THE BLACK WIDOW, but Paige tries to counter...BUT CAN'T. PAIGE TAPS THAT ASS TO WIN! Love Lesnar-Cena getting a NUMBERS vid. Would've been great on Raw though. Cena's out with white and grey camo. I think Brock's theme got an more badass opening. Cole pointed out that in 2014, Brock had three matches - he dominated Show, dominated Taker at WM, and dominated Cena at Summerslam. The giant belt looks good on Brock, but it's a bit gimmicky for a guy like Brock.

They charge like bulls and Brock pushes him to the corner and nails shoulder blocks. Cena blocks a German and hits a pair of lariats to send him down. AA GETS 1! KIMURA! Kinda don't like both of Brock's finishers being used as starter moves in the past month...but I enjoy replicating it in 2K14. Cena gets to the ropes, and eats some knees and back clubs. German suplex! Brock gets the standing kimura in the ropes, but breaks at 4 to still do damage. Grounded Kimura, but Cena gets the ropes. Cena goes for another lariat, BUT BROCK COUNTERS INTO ANOTHER GERMAN FOR 2! TRIPLE VERTICALS FROM BROCK get an Eddie chant, and the ref wouldn't count after a floatover - hurting the flow. Brock attacks with bodyshots in the ropes and hits a clothesline. JBL said that Brock became undisputed champion at UFC 100...against Shane Carwin. Well, he's half-right. JBL mixing up Brock's MMA history - but plugging UFC 100 nicely, available on UFC Fight Pass for only $9.99. Brock gets an overhead belly to belly for 2.

Cena fights with a weak knee to the gut and weak punches, so Brock sends him into the corner with the power of the Brock Cock. Cena kicked Brock off a corner charge and fought back with back elbows and forearms. GERMAN counter to the AA. Loved Cena's elbows there - they looked great. Cena's back is all bruised up from the knees to the back. Brock takes the gloves off - BROCK'S BARE KNUCKLE BABY! Brock then...uses shoulder charges. Brock charges in mid-ring and eats an AA for 2. F5 countered into the STF. Brock counters into the Kimura! Cena lifts him up and runs him into the buckle. AA INTO THE STF! YET ANOTHER AA, BUT SETH RUNS IN FOR A DQ! SETH TAKES OUT CENA AND CURB STOMPS BROCK! They announced the cash-in, but Cena hit him with weak punches, and then Brock hits the F5!


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WWE SD 9-19-14

No video package to start, but Roman Reigns faces Rusev for some reason tonight. Usos are out, with Jimmy facing either Gold or Stardust. Feud recap with the Dust Bros. Cole welcomes JBL to the show since he hasn't been heard once by the 8:03 mark. Stardust humps the tron before combat. Gold and Stardust cut an annoying inset promo. This Stardust character sucks. JBL says they're weirder than the Headshrinkers. They do some moves, fake out the superkick a ton, it finally hits and wins. This sure was nothing. Goldust eats a pair of superkicks.

HOLY CHRIST IT'S ANOTHER MIZDOW AND MIZ TAG AGAINST R-ZIGGLER AND DOLPH. Now it's a 6-man with Cesaro and Sheamus. JBL talks about some cowboy actor who NO ONE ELSE ON PLANET EARTH HAS HEARD OF, so Cole buries him, and then JBL buries Tom. Actually, it's Miz and Cesaro against Dolph and Sheamus. Okay then. Cesaro counters a sunset flip with a tree slam lift up into a press slam, but of course that gets countered into a dropkick. Stinger splash gets countered into a tilt a whirl backbreaker. Love Miz tossing his shades to Mizdow, who is now wearing both pairs! Cole talked about Miz being embarrassed in front of all the other A listers. Isn't the idea that he ISN'T one? WHY IS THE BABYFACE ANNOUNCER REAFFIRMING THE HEEL'S LIES!? Dolph gets a 2 off a neckbreaker to set up a break.

Miz's corner lariat sets up BREAKING NEWS FROM COLE - JBL was wrong. Miz's dog's name isn't Fluffy, it's Mocha. JBL says the stunt double's name is Fluffy - good save. Cesaro chucked Dolph up high into the flying Dolph DDT, leading to an almost RVD-esque head landing on it. Shame each guy is programmed for the other secondary title, because they'd be a lot of fun right now. Chest clubs to Miz, who later eats the Irish Curse. Cesaro lands nastily on the floor - could've twisted the ankle there. Goofy shit on the floor set up a distraction schoolboy for 2, and a kneeling GOODNIGHT DDT for 2.5. Truth distracts Miz, leading to Dolph hitting a superkick and Sheamus hitting the Brogue for the win. WHAT A BUNCH OF CHEATERS! Total Divas ad.

Adam Rose is out AND THANK GOD MICHAEL COLE THINKS HE'S COOL.Bunnygate recap. JBL got in a nice line about the bunny doing a hop-in. Rose is facing Heath, so it should at least be fun. JBL and Cole argued over JBL being beaten up by a Godzilla balloon during an SD in Japan show over a decade ago. JBL and Cole sang Peter Cottontail. Mesmerizing show here. Heath does a leap into Rose's foot and gets cradled for 2. Heath gets Booker T's sidekick for 2! Bunny does a plancha on Titus. Party Foul wins. Cole talked about dancing, how JBL should dance, and tried to get Bunny Mania and Bunny Power over as things. JBL rightly buried him for this idiocy. Henry-Rusev on Raw recap. Renee talked to Lana and Rusev - RUSEV CRUSH. Show and Los Matadores face the Wyatt Family next.

Cole and his checkered suit, and the other guys, plugged THE DUBYA DUBYA E NETWORK FER ONLY NINE NINETY NINE! Loved Big Show doing the bull run bit to start. What the hell - if you're him and you're in this nothing match, might as well have fun with it. Loved them doing the full bull lift intro, Show teasing it, and then laughing it off. I like them at least trying to make this worthless match worthwhile somehow. Rowan just stops because the matador says. What a stupid spot for mid-carders, let alone theoretically bigger acts like the Wyatts. Bray comes in and beats him up before tagging out to Harper. Harper steps on his face before tagging Rowan back in. LOLed at JBL's hard sell about Show being so excited to be on SD! Show runs wild on Rowan. Rowan clips the knee to stop the running bus bit. Bray dominates and gets a kneeling DDT for 2. Harper's in to keep the attack going. Gator Roll rules on Show, who busts out THE TEARDROP SUPLEX to make a comeback. Vader bomb misses from Show. Bray comes in to get a chinlock. Sideslam counter saves him. DIEGO RUNS WILD ON BRAY WYATT, who once beat John Cena. Diego eats the bodypress. Show shoves Rowan all wackily into the barricade. Harper superkicks him. Diego flies into Abigail for the loss - this was a really fun match. A fan held up a Keep Calm and Follow the Buzzards sign, which wouldn't be the worst idea for a shirt. Seth-Roman recap from Raw. Renee's with Roman, oh lord. Roman doesn't care if his opponents are Russian, American, or little green men from Mars - he doesn't discriminate. He'll bring the fight on Sunday. Believe that. He's doomed with these promos.

Divas tag recap. AJ's out on commentary, while Paige faces Nikki. Nikki hits a blind leap into a shining wizard-ish thing for 2. AJ takes a shot at Nikki saying she's natural. I liked AJ going on with little bits of innuendo - like saying she just wants to get Paige on her back on Sunday. Paige took a weird bump for a backdrop. Yakuza kick from Paige sets up the Paige Turner for the win. This was a pretty good little match. AJ rocked the belt like it was a baby. They had a tug of war until Nikki stole it and beat them up with it. Swagger-Bo happens again next.

Swagger gets a jobber intro. JBL and Cole do the We the People bit badly, which they bring up. JBL says Jack needs to get back on track, and Cole points out that HE MADE BO SUBMIT ON RAW. Bo gets taken out hard on the floor. Bo runs around, gets into the apron area and cheap shots Swagger to hit the Bodog for the win. This sucked. Bo buried Zeb, who STOLE THREE PACKETS OF SUGAR and he's a terrible tipper too. Jack attacked. So this was a thing.

Cena-Brock recap, with the Raw stuff eating up a ton of time, aired. Henry talked about being beaten by a Russian at the Olympics, but on Sunday, he can right that wrong and WIN FOR THE FANS! AND THE COUNTRY. MARK HENRY CRUSH RUSEV! Roman's out, and WWE REALLY LOVES ITS FANS, REALLY! Reigns is still walking around the ring at 9:45, so this will be another sub-15 minute main event on SD. They start with a collar and elbow tieup and Rusev dominates. Roman fights back on the floor. Roman hits a God-awful kneelift, leading to a big kick from Rusev.
Rusev, for what this character is, works just about perfectly for it now. He's nixed the flying kicks and is mainly all ground-based now. Like Henry now, his matches are as good as they should be given the style he's working. Rusev takes over and spins around for an ad break. Rusev dominated after it with a reverse bearhug on the ground. Reigns misses some stuff, gets a clothesline, and Rollins comes in with the case. Superman punch to Rusev, and Roman and Seth brawl in the crowd. Rusev stands tall mid-ring and the American flag comes down, much to the Russians' chagrin. How very odd to have this feud close out the show on both Raw and SD, but I do like it appearing to raise Henry and Rusev up the card. THEY ROARED and Henry got the slam. I demand we get that spot on the PPV. HENRY STANDS TALL FOR 'MERICA!

Screens -

http://www.imagebam.com/gallery/1skvokjj16umo8ub96dtk73cbndydb5e