Monday, September 29, 2014

WWE Raw 9-29-14

Tonight's Raw should be the start of their annual Komen bullshit since they're selling the shirts now. Celebratory music played for Cena and Ambrose's stuff last week. This video is going on for a while. Steph and HHH are out - they've got one pink rope - the center rope. Cole shills the Komen deal and then loses his train of thought when the script ends and he's still on camera. A giant CM Punk chant starts when Steph grabs the mic. She handled it perfectly by saying "why do you all cheer quitters?". Cole before this said that Ambrose PIRATED THE CASE. What odd verbiage. HHH won't let anyone disrespect THE BUSINESS and now it's Heyman. He's angry over Seth trying to cash in, and Brock ordered Heyman to go to CHICAGO OF ALL PLACES and find out if it Brock has a problem that he needs to deal with involving Seth or HHH. How dare they threaten us with another Brock-HHH match. Seth's out with no case, since it was PIRATED. 8:09 and I'm already tired by this show. Seth said he acted alone with his actions. Seth told Paul he was an opportunist, like Paul, and he got a CM Punk chant before apologizing to Brock and Heyman if they were offended. Heyman gave him a pass this one time - and if it happens again, Brock will kill him. HHH raised his voice to Heyman for whatever reason. Seth cut a promo on Ambrose. It's 8:14. Good God! YAY THE LORD OF THE TITTIES HAS ARRIVED! He'll fight Seth for the case - all he has to do is come backstage. Before that can happen, Cena assaults Seth on the ramp. Okay, Steph doing "you can't see me" for Seth ruled.

A WWE Komen ad aired. The Authority met with Noble and Mercury to attack Ambrose. Noble wanted SLEDGEHAMMERS! Noble is still fantastic. IC 3-Way is up. Cole said that Miz should be ashamed for winning by pulling the tights, but Dolph dong it is okay because it was done to him first. Um, shouldn't faces hold themselves to a higher standard than heels? JBL buried Miz's Twitition. I'd just bury the term. They did some slingshot and cradle spots before a break. More cradle combos and exchanges set up a Dolph neckbreaker/DDT to the guys. VINTAGE NOVA! Figure 4 led to Miz being shoved into a Cesaro uppercut that the camera missed. Miz's testicles took a pounding and he ate a horrible figure four from Dolph. Cesaro double stomps Dolph to end that. Miz got the corner lariat on Cesaro after his corner uppercut missed. Miz jumps into an uppercut, and then Cesaro eats a superkick from Dolph, who pins Miz. This was pretty fun. Dolph celebrates. LOL at the fan in the Punk outfit! Miz and Mizdow sold the knee. Nobles and Mercury asked the rosebuds about Ambrose, Big E was told to not answer the question by Woods, and Khali did comedy.

ONCE AGAIN, IT'S THE THIRD STRAIGHT YEAR FOR THE KOMEN THING! And once again, they go through every single thing they do that shows you why they're so WWE is helping fight breast cancer. Wyatt/Harper video aired - "YOU'RE DOOMED!" Noble and Mercury told them they failed, and Steph busted Noble's balls for having mustard on his face. Mizdow met with the Authority about how angry he is that he didn't get a one on one match. HHH chuckled. They're here to entertain him, and Mizdow faces Sheamus. And he then buried Miz for being a straight to DVD actor. WHAT EXACTLY IS THIS!? Is Miz going to get his revenge on Ray Bradstone?

Total Divas clips about Tyson and Nattie having issues. I'm missing nothing by not watching the show. This of course sets up Layla-Rosa, with Nattie and Tyson arguing. Tyson fucks off with this by playing games on his phone with his giant head cans. Rosa is out of position for walking. Oh my. Summer and Nattie brawl. Layout neckbreaker wins. This was dreadful, and JBL sums it up by saying "It's over, thank God!" Ambrose is backstage. Wasn't he there before?

Dean came out with Seth's case. It's full of STOLEN MECHANDISE, and since Dean admits to just taking it, he gives it away. His mannerisms are just wonderful. Goons are out and Dean leaves through the people to get Seth in the ring with the case. Seth opens it and bright green paint from the DX collection sprays him in the face. JBL references Kabuki's mist. A MASSIVE Ambrose chant breaks out. Wacky Authority meeting. They mocked Seth, he left to get the paint out of his eyes, and a vibration sound was heard. Everyone checked their phone until they did a long pan to Steph...and it was the case. IT WAS AN ELECTRIC RAZOR. Shocked they didn't reveal a pink vibrator to support breast cancer awareness. This was a fine payoff for Seth saying he had PERSONAL ITEMS in the case.

Henry cut a promo for a sentence before Bo came out. HENRY WHOOPS THAT ASS, but eats a Bodog! BO WINS! Renee interviews Bo, who gets his ass kicked by Henry. So Henry is still a bad motherfucker and you know this. They plugged the Network, the MNW show, and a 15 Years of SD...thing. Tag title recap. Stardust is still an annoying motherfucker. Goldust was tired of the bullshit and destroyed their props. Brie Brie Brie Mode is out and Cole once again plugged the Komen stuff. BRIE'S THEME KEPT PLAYING DURING THE BREAK?! Any reports of mass suicides in Chicago? Nikki's out to not wrestle. Instead, she's cutting a dreadful promo that further buries Bryan six feet under. Cameron and Eva are facing Brie. Wasn't Eva a face? Eva can't work a lick, but she's got a five star ass on her. Eva dominated Brie and Cameron comes in and gets 2 off a suplex. Big JBL chant breaks out. One for King happens, and then Cole gets one, and then Brie cradles Cameron and won. Brie got a yes chant going. Guarantee they give this song to Bryan when he comes back. Titus did an awesome tribute to his late grandmother.

Rose is out. He can fuck right off with Stardust. Slater Gator are out with a Mini Gator in Hornswoggle against the Matadores. Titus meets with FORMER RAW GUEST HOST Jesse Jackson. Gator and the bull did comedy, and Slater won by pulling a matador off the ropes. Titus hits an amazing impact to the bull! Mini gator did the gator roll, and the bunny hopped. And then Cole said that Jesse Jackson finally shut up. How very odd since he said zero words on this show. Ugh. That was indeed stuff. $9.99 ad. Henry-Bo II on Main Event. WOW, A REMATCH OF A 2 MINUTE MATCH!

Rusev's out. Clips of the Show-Rusev match from SD with the KO. Lana said words. Show came out to say words. YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH! was good. Show cued up a Show-Henry recap from Main Event. RUSEV SPOKE! "I WILL KICK YOU IN YOUR GROIN!" Then Show quoted Big Lebowski and said it was time to knock down a white Russian! Since the flag was already down, Show was mid-ring and TORE IT DOWN! Rusev ran in and got tossed right out. This ruled. Recap of tonight's case drama. Cena talked about loving Chicago and THE MAN WHOSE NAME THEY'VE BEEN CHANTING ALL NIGHT - AMBROSE! It of course led to a Punk chant. He asked Dean if he had anything to add, and he just calmly said nah - but after their match, Seth's ass is his. Cena said Seth was his, and Dean told him no takes food off his plate - not even him. Dean is so great and if they do this right, they'll wind up with three main event-level acts out of the Shield's breakup.

AJ came out and they plugged the tag match tonight. Paige's ass cut a promo on her. Alicia's facing AJ. Remember when Alicia was a huge deal for two weeks? AJ dove onto Alicia and Paige on the floor - it could've gone worse. Paige attacks AJ when she's nearly brought in, and it gives Alicia the win. This heel beatdown is brought to you by MTN DEW! Harper video airs again. Sheamus came out for a match with Mizdow. Miz is on commentary. They joked about the Fappening and JBL threatening to release nude photos of himself. Mizdow ate the Brogue kick and lost, after Sheamus clubbered him, mocked the moneymaker, and tossed him into Miz on the floor. King recited lines about Hogan, who is next.

Hogan came out in pink, why? Because as Cole said WWE HAS JOINED FORCES WITH THE SUSAN G. KOMEN CORPORATION FOR THE THIRD STRAIGHT YEAR. Already sick of the breast cancer awareness stuff and it's not even October. Hogan reiterated that it's in fact THE THIRD YEAR THAT WWE HAS TEAMED WITH SUSAN G KOMEN! Is there anyone on planet Earth who can't see through this shit? BUY THE GEAR AND FIGHT THE FIGHT! If you buy WWE merchandise, not only will the quarter look better, BUT YOU'LL BE FIGHTING CANCER. IF YOU HATE CANCER, BUY WWE MERCH! Kane and Orton bitched about Seth, and Steph told them to do their jobs. She stirred the pot by saying THE FANS SAID THINGS ABOUT THEM. They're heels - why would they care what the fans think? Cole shilled the Austin episode of MNW.

Roman Reigns interview next week, and Show faces Rusev too. Faces came out, then the heels, and Kane avoided an AA for a break.Cena eats a snap powerslam after the break. This match is so exciting we get multiple replays of paint flying in someone's face during it. Oh thank God, an Orton chinlock will solve this problem. Ambrose comes in, dives onto Kane, rebound lariats Orton and hits Dirty Deeds on Orton! But Seth attacks for a DQ. Ambrose came up way short on a dive to Kane due to his foot getting caught. It's 2-on-1, advantage babyfaces. Dean and Cena fought over who could cheapshot Seth. Dean goes to attack Seth with the case, but Orton RKOs him. Heels take control and Seth stomps Dean's head on the case. RKO to Cena! They're doing a fine job building up Cena-Orton...which we saw last week. Chokeslam to Cena. Cena eats the stomp on the case too. This will be fine in highlights, but like a lot of Raw, just dragged on way too long in real-time.

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