Tuesday, September 2, 2014

WWE Main Event 9-2-14

The pre-show filler is the "JYD" Piper's Pit with Sal Belomo."YOU'RE HIS FRIEND!? You ain't the same color as him!" "C'mon you dumb wop!" So yeah, these Piper's Pits are something else. Summer Rae tweeted about being on the show tonight, so I guess we'll get something to hype up the Total Divas S3 premiere. Mizdow is out to start off MizTV. Oh thank God - a wrestling show starting with talking. What a change of pace. Also - complaining about a wrestling show starting with talking. Sandow's here because Miz is apparently in LA shooting a movie. Mizdow has a prepared a monologue INSPIRED BY CHRISTMAS BOUNTY! Mizdow blowing a raspberry with a thumbs down is amazing. They had a really-off, which can fuck off. Mizdow wants an IC Title shot, because his career isn't dead enough. Dolph told him to go back to another persona - Bret, Magneto, or his best one - the ballerina. Dolph dropkicked him. What a prick.

We get Dolph-Mizdow to start the show, per THE AUTHORITY. Because of course they'd be involved in this goofy bullshit in any way. Byron talks about dog parks for a bit before Sandow locks on a chinlock. They do nothing of note for a while until Dolph gets a jumping jawbreaker and hits a Hart Attack chain. Fameasser gets 2. Mizdow gets the backbreaker>neckbreaker chain into a figure four, which gets countered and leads to a Zig Zag for the win. This was in fact a match. Miz-Dolph was made for the IC Title at Night of Champions. Bella-Steph recap means it's time for Mighty Gunvolt. They plugged Total Divas being viewed by 6 million each week. Nattie and Rosa face Summer Lay, leading to a sneak peak. Nattie is going to be used to help Rosa "get back in the fold" by sharing a room with her. Nattie says she'd rather scrub her toilets - which Rosa blows off mid-ring. Nice cleavage from Nattie. Rosa for some ungodly reason is working THE ENTIRE MATCH. This has to be a rib on Dave Meltzer. THANK GOD NATTIE IS IN attacking Summer. Summer slaps her way out of a sharpshooter leading to a Layla tag and a double crossbody in the middle of the ring. Time for a short-arm from Rosa. Nope, she tags herself in and eats a Cro Cop kick from Layla and takes THE WIMPIEST BUMP EVER. Hogan took better bumps in his match with Sting.

Total Divas preview clip re-aired. Raw Rebound focuses on the highlight reel and brings back the possibility of the NOC match not being 1 on 1. Why not make it a 3-way with Rollins to mix things up? They played some ridiculously epic music for the main event recap. JOHN CENA RETURNS ON SMACKDOWN! Shouldn't that be returns to SmackDown? Gold and Stardust are out, with Stardust now attempting to twerk for the intro. Goldust's got some of the most major league gear outside of New Japan. They show clips from Raw, and it's funny watching Eden make googly eyes at her husband in the ring. Stardust acted like the Frank Gorshin Riddler after the beating clips aired. They're facing Los Matadores. Adding to the Riddler motif, Stardust is now tweeting Stardust Stumpers. Goldust tells an Uso "Hard camera, hard camera." during an armbar. They do more moves for a bit until the Dust Bros. are taken out on the floor. Raw is called "the season premiere". Byron says "real talk" a billion times. Stardust nails a nice gordbuster. One guy yells MICHAEL COLE over and over. Stardust responds to the crowd's lack of interest by doing a wacky necklock. Goldust comes in and does the same thing. Crowd chants the Ole song to amuse themselves. Goldust takes a smooth bump over the top off a head bonk spot. The other matador tags in for a flying back elbow and a flying back headbutt on Stardust. Cradle to Stardust gets 2. He puts Stardust in a 619 position for Alberto's body avalanche AND IT HITS! Stardust hits his shitty DDT/Flatliner thing called Dark Matter for the win. Just use a Flatliner - this looks awful. Faces get beaten up afterwards.

Screens -


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