Sunday, September 7, 2014

Total Divas 9-7-14 - Season 3 Premiere

The show opens with a recap of WM XXX, Bryan and Brie's wedding, and generic OMG BEING A DIVA IS SO AMAZING quotes. Eva and Jonathon are going to do a wedding ceremony - and they've got a professional modeling photoshoot for the save the dates. We get an intro to Rosa - she says she's 34 and looks 24. Rosa's got sideboob, and Nattie says SHE WON'T BE DOING BE A STAR IN THAT! She'd also better settle that tea kettle. Trinity says this is pretty low-class. Titus says AW HELL NAW, GIRL BYE! Bellas are together - Nicole gets her real name, while Brianna gets her stage name. We get faded clips of Cena asking Nikki if marriage would be enough for her. Brie tells her to freeze her eggs. Marc brings Rosa back and Brie talks about her not talking about what they are. Rosa says she got implants and implies lipo. Nattie is slightly upset about having to watch Rosa - BUT A DIVAS TITLE MATCH WILL MAKE UP FOR IT. Nattie talks to Rosa and DOESN'T WANT TO BE A PLAYER HATER and be honest about babysitting her. Rosa says she was in rehab and had therapy - hundreds of hours for therapy for an issue that they've yet to actually talk about. They preview stuff and the tech tells Nikki she can't have sex - well, that should be interesting.

Eva and Jonathan talk about seeing her parents. Bellas and Bryan have a family night or something with in-laws and THEY SEE BABIES! Nikki says she'll freeze her eggs and Bryan offers to be the sperm donor. Eva and her dad bond over the ceremony. Her family doesn't like her softcore porn shoot. The Bellas have a wacky meeting with the fertility doctor. Eva and Jonathan tell the other brother and he's happy, but THERE'S A PROBLEM - the family wants a Catholic wedding, but Jonathan's a non-demoninational Christian. So Eva's dad wants a wedding in front of family, friends, and God, but it can't be a Christian

Nikki and John meet with an interior decorator, and John looks silly. WUTWOAH, this meeting is happening when they're doing a blood draw for her TODAY TOO. HOLY NAKED ROSA time. Well, if Nattie had actually knocked, maybe she could've put clothes on. Rosa loves being nude and wants to show off her boob job. Eva and her cleavage drive with her mom and Jonathan. Her mom tells her that he's taking chemo shots. His colon cancer is back, and it's all over. Preview has Naomi burying Rosa by saying it's time for popcorn, and Eva asks Jonathan to convert.

Eva's upset about not being told about her dad having cancer - he's only got a few years left and it's inoperable. Bellas go to the doctor. Brie is offended by her twin's vagina.  Eva and Jonathan walk, and Eva says she doesn't want to cause her dad anymore stress. They come back and Jonathan says he won't do it and her dad wouldn't respect a man who would change his beliefs so quickly. Eva talks to her dad, who basically guilts her into making it a Catholic wedding.

Nattie and Rosa arrive and Rosa feels like everyone's watching her. Nattie says no one is and Titus says she looks TIRED. AS. HELL! Rosa faces Nattie at an SD taping, and Nattie is just guiding her body through every move. Yet another super-quick break. The end-show deal has Nattie telling Rosa to believe in herself, and asks if she either got heat or the crowd on her side. I love that Rosa had no response for any of Nattie's questions about the match. John and Nikki's beach house has a little drama with her med stuff being found and then they preview the season. There's a bikini episode, Nattie drama, stuff with Summer, and BRYAN'S NECK BEING DESTROYED BY KANE AND BRIE QUITTING PLAYED UP AS A SHOOT. Oh boy.

Screens -

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