Wednesday, September 3, 2014

TNA Impact 9-3-14


Roode-EY clips are the highlight of the pre-show credits bit. The actual show-opening video highlights the tag series and shows a quick clip of the cage match from a couple of weeks ago. MVP's out with a Crockett egg white jacket and pants combo, along with a season 5 Tubbs shirt. Lashley looks like a gigantic athlete with a fair budget for his clothing since he's got some Calvin Klein on, while Kenny King got a deal on some Wal-Mart clearance clothes. MVP talks about Lashley being TNA Champion now and eventually the Bellator Heavyweight Champion as well. A fan on the hard camera has a WWF panda shirt on! Joe's out to talk shit to MVP and his crew, so they brawl and we'll get Joe-Lashley later non-title. HAVOK is coming tonight, and a nice Taryn-Gail video recap aired with a surprisingly good little pop-style song to accompany it. Taryan and Gail are out next for the title!

Gail is looking crazy hot in this black and blue getup. Taz and Tenay spend no time talking about the match and instead talking about how Taz just talks about himself. Crowd goes for another WE WANT PUPPIES chant. Gail lands a super rana! Gail hits a divorce court for some reason, and then misses her corner press and takes a nasty bump on her left shoulder. They fight on the apron leading to a neckbreaker from Gail ON THE STEPS! Gail landed on her ass, while Taryn hit the small of her back on the steps. They zoom in on Gail's ass numerous times, Gail hits Eat Defeat and ONLY GETS 2!? She goes for a second but gets countered and eats a Cutter for 2! Taryn goes up for a crossbody, hits it, but gets countered for 3! More zoom-ins on Gail's ass. They hugged, and damn do they have the best chemistry since Gail and Kong. Havok debuted and the heat machine went crazy. She laid Taryn with the Schwein, then chokeslammed Gaiil before hitting Gail with the move she used to first win the KOs title in 2007. MVP tried to turn EY to his side, and we'll hear from EC3 next.

The Bro Mans did a skit where HUNDREDS OF TINDERELLANS had the chance, but only one KO could do it. Robbie's got self-tanner on the rooftop and fire engines are blaring. DJZ says he can't hear Robbie's phone vibrate, so he put it his mouth. This was pretty damned amusing. EC3's out looking awesome, while Spud's suit looks like money. EC3 said instead of handing Rhino, he's handing out beating after beating. Loved him having a list of demands, but not knowing it, and Spud having no idea where it is. EC3 demanded that Bully be gone, that hardcore and extreme be stricken from the vocabulary because they're not living in the past, and he wants respect too. Then things got even better with him begging for a you can't wrestle chant, getting it, him saying they're not creative and getting a CM Punk chant - HE'D LOVE TO BEAT HIM TOO! This was great. Then Rhino came down and yelled. Rhino wants a fight and he'll get it - WITH SPUD! Brittany, I think was backstage in the background with Shaw apologizing to Gunner. Brittany and her giant boobs leered at one of the two.

Gunner's got some new ink on his right ankle, and he set up a nice standing legdrop from Shaw who's got an impressive vertical leap. Tenay talked about THE INTENSITY OF MR. INTENSITY, and Shaw tagged himself in and ate a pounce and some punches from Bram. Taz talked about Magnus being a former World Champion, and boy does he not feel like a guy who either held the title, or really benefits from being a former champion. Even EY got a longer post-title main event-ish run than Magnus did. Gunner comes in and gets a slingshot suplex. Gunner lands on the knee, eats a knee clip, and loses. Bram wore a shirt to either sell the Janice match, or make sure you can tell he and Gunner apart. Shaw went nuts talking about Gunner being hurt and yanked the ref around. MVP tried to turn Roode on EY like he did with EY earlier. Roode-EY is next. The pacing for this show is just perfect.

They had another wacky Bro Mans skit with Robbie moving his pecs around and the BPs coming in as their dates. This wasn't quite as funny as the first skit, but was still good. EY runs out like a goof for the match. Bobby and his pleather vest/robe combo came out. Roode would be so perfect as an IC/US Title gatekeeper, or in the Tyson Kidd role as an NXT workhorse to teach guys right now. EY looks so incredibly stupid in his Dr. Seuss hat socks. EY busts out a nice firemarn's carry and armdrag to set up an armbar. Flying forearm sets up a discus lariat from EY, who is working his ass off here. Back-bump missile dropkick from EY gets 2. EY counters a perfectplex, but eats a spinebuster for 2. EY counters a Roode Bomb, which is his own finisher too, but hits a loosey-goosey wheelbarrow neckbreaker for 2. Piledriver gets 2, and Roode gets a crossface, and EY gets 2 turning it into a cradle. These guys are having the great match they always wanted to have. EY gets a DDT for 2. EY's flying elbow also gets 2. Might've gone overboard on 2s - the DDT should've maybe been a 1, or something should've been - the cradle would've been the best overall thing. They do a Dean-Eddie cradle sequence which Roode turns into the Roode Bomb for the win! This was well worth going out of your way to see - it was exactly what a number 1 contender's match should be.

Roode talked to an interview guy about FINALLY being back in the world title picture, being exhausted, and needing some water. Lashley just stared a hole through him. I love the world title being presented as something really important. 3D talked with JB about making the next match a tables match. DJZ faces Uno, Steve, and Homicide for a shot at Joe. Nope, it's a 6-way with Low-Ki and Manik too. Guys did moves and Taz and Tenay entertained themselves by making inside jokes about Uncle Pat being a carnival barker. Tenay referenced the Love Connection, and Taz kept calling Uno TIGER ONE. Manik dove into a cutter from Homicide and then ate a Gringo Killer, so 'Cide gets a shot - great, he and Joe ruled at the end of the match that Joe won to became champ, and now they can have an extended match. Storm and Sanada are out. Sanada superkicks Manik, which is now played up as a tribute to Storm, and they dragged Manik to the back. Okay the - so he's joining the Not Wyatt Family. Hopefully he gets some new, darker gear - the Suicide getup without the text never really worked for me. Tenay hyped up the champion vs. champion match later.

Aries came out and got a huge ovation. He's now got a greying beard, and said he may have a green tint to his skin due to Sanada's mist. I forgot about that, so CLIPS WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE! Storm came out with Sanada and cut a great promo. Gotta say, if he's not going to work many matches now, he might as well be a manager - and he's one of the few guys who can do the role and not make you wonder about missing him in the ring. Of course, I do think about his wasted potential - he truly felt like he could be THE GUY for wrestling as a whole nearly three years ago, and now he's just a pushed guy in TNA. Aries said that Storm is a legend - a legendary asshole, which gets muted, but Aries saying Storm's pissed guys out a billion times is just fine. Aries brought out Tajiri, who got no reaction, looks old in the body, and needs to regrow the beard ASAP.  EC3 and Spud had a hilarious meeting where they made sure to park the guys near an exit sign so EC3 could tell him there's the exit if he didn't want to keep his job and fight Rhino. I like the detail work there.

An epic-feeling Chris Melendez video aired using Bush clips to show you the context of the times, since it was a lifetime ago, and Tenay puts over that they'll celebrate 9/11 with Melendez's debut. Well, that will be pretty special. I forgot how great Spud's theme was - you could honestly take this EC3/Spud act to WWE immediately. Spud's white and bronze gear looks awesome. Rhino did presses with Spud. Spud attacks when Rhino stares at EC3. Rhino no-sells, and Spud is the best little goober ever. Team him with Slater! SPUD AVOIDS THE GORE and wisely scoots out. The crowd chants EC3 when Spud gets a can, so he tells them NO - EC3 and eats a gore. THIS RULED. EC3 abandons Spud. Joe-Lashley is next.

Joe's out first, followed by the World champ Lashley. Lashley ate a nasty ST-Joe on the floor. He really didn't land nicely on it. Joe locks on a nice front choke. Tenay hyped up Melendez's debut and the 3-way tag tables match. Tenay hypes up Lashley's Bellator fight while Lashley LOCKS ON A NERVE HOLD! Snap powerslam gets 2 for Joe.  Lashley avoids a superplex and hits the running powerslam. Joe gets a round kick to the gut to prevent the spear, but Kenny King comes down during the choke. THIS ISN'T A DQ FOR SOME REASON. Full nelson slam gets 2.9. Spear gets 3. This was by-the-numbers fine, but not exciting. The show as a whole was fantastic though, and so much better than the bad Raw and anemic Main Event show last night.

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