Monday, September 15, 2014

Total Divas 9-14-14

The show opens with a recap of last week's egg-ralted wackiness. Nikki wears double-sided tape around the house when she's confronted by Cena about the egg-freezing. CENA THOUGHT THEY WERE ILLEGAL DRUGS! "Any other guy would start asking 100 questions, but I KNOW MY JOHN!" Oh the comedy! Brie and Bryan are packing, and he unloads kickpads. "YOU'RE LIKE A KICKPAD WHORE!" "What, like I have sex for kickpads?" Brie says that for every pair of kickpads, they have to have sex once, and it winds up with 6 possibilities for pregnancies. She's excited because she wants "two babies out of my vagina by 35". How clinical. Nikki, Eva, and Nattie have dinner. Nikki and Eva recapped their storylines. Raw time - a truck has Alex Riley on it. Rosa and Sandra discuss gear. Bryan's right shoulder is hurting, dun dun dun! According to Brie, he's wrestling 20-40 minutes a night, 250 days a year. Mark meets with the dactyls, with them discussing a split. Naomi talks about BAD NEWS BARRETT delivering the news. Cameron's upset, but Naomi tells her she's about where she should be. Cameron meets with Eva and Nattie about this issue. They show clips of Cameron being bad in the ring to justify the move. Cameron's upset, but Nattie tells her to think things out.

Bryan and Brie are picking up the keys to their new house. They go to...a very plain-looking house with a white fence. Bryan and Brie talk to the contractor about fixes. He wants some more "green" features, which Brie agrees with, except that she wants it how she wants it. Brie is angry over Bryan not giving in because IT'S NOT LIKE SHE'S REDOING A MANSION. WHAT. AN UNGRATEFUL. BITCH! Bryan gets bad neck news later. The Bellas go furniture shopping. Brie is angry over being given a budget. Brie's upset about a budget SINCE BRYAN IS GETTING LIKE 10 SOLAR PANELS! Nikki gets Bryan's knock at her repeated by Brie, who said it totally grossed her out. Wow - poor Nikki. Nikki and John go for lunch, with her making bad jokes about his ass. John sees a toothpick and asks Nikki what it's like to stick yourself with a needle. Oh, the comedy. John has a heart to heart with NICOLE! Yada yada, they're buds again on the same page.

Cameron is upset, so she goes to record a song about WWE, as someone would logically do. Cameron expresses sadness to Vinnie and the rest of her crew, or whoever these people are. The producer has no tolerance for this emotional shit. She and Vinnie leave to go eat. What a recording session! Girls tell the Bellas they're beautiful and a kid goes Yes. Nikki tells her she's been working out despite the doctor's warning, and she's not freezing her eggs now after talking to John. Well, that storyline resolved quickly. Brie tells her to not give into John and keep doing it because John's being selfish. They argue for a bit. A long time. Wow this is dragging. Nikki says since they're not pregnant, they should go drink.

Jimmy enjoys being tag champ, while Naomi goes OUCH BABY when he calls her divas champ. Naomi FEELS AN ALLEGIANCE TO THE FUNKADACTYLS! Jimmy, a tag champ, says solo's the way to go. Jimmy tells her to change things up, while she points out the Usos' intro being the same for eons. Bryan's reading at home, and they blur the book. Bryan's MRI came back and he'll need surgery. Bryan needs EMERGENCY NECK SURGERY. The timing's bad, and he's not sure if they'll take the titles off him. Nikki sees her nieces and nephews, and RIGHT AFTER SHE STOPPED THE THERAPY TOO. What a teaser.

Kiddy deal went well for Nikki. Bryan has to go for surgery on a day where Brie can't be there due to a prior commitment. Bryan announces the surgery. Brie talks to Bryan on the day he has surgery. Brie loves the little video he sent her of him getting ready for surgery. She talks about being selfish. The Bellas have an E shoot where Nikki's asked about what parts from Brie she'd want. Bryan gets more bad health news for the coming up bit. Bryan tells Brie the surgery went well, and Nikki and John go for a workout, and she's decided to freeze her eggs. Naomi pins Paige on Main Event, but Cameron knows it's not what she wants.

WWE doctor guy talks to Bryan, and while the surgery went well, he's got bad news. Dr. Amann gets a graphic after the break, and due to more nerve damage, Bryan won't be able to return for a longer period of time. Brie says IF THEY'RE NOT WORKING SHOWS, THEY'RE NOT GETTING PAID. What a needless bold-faced lie, and it doesn't really paint WWE in a good light either. Cameron and Mark meat at the TALENT RELATIONS ONLY printer area. Cameron says she needs to go to NXT to train. Mark says doing this COULD BE A DISASTER FOR HER and GOING TO NXT TO TRAIN WOULD MAKE HER NOT A DIVA ANYMORE. This made no logical sense. They showed basically the whole bit after the break in the "coming up" portion. Jimmy dances around the divas, and Cameron tells the girls about her plans. Naomi is upset for God knows what reason. Naomi's upset because she didn't consult her, in this decision that would SPLIT UP THEIR TEAM, that has now ended. She just went on and on and on and on.

John and Nikki have a wacky house meeting with him joking about pooping. They have a nice rooftop meeting about taking 10 days off of working, needing surgery. He volunteers to be her driver and her maid. He'll even wear a maid's outfit. Okey dokey. Next week, Summer returns and I think we get the Bryan-Brie wedding. This wasn't a bad show, but it had portions that went on way too long.

Screens -

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